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Halo: Death of a Sergeant Part One

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 3:25 pm    Post subject: Halo: Death of a Sergeant Part One Reply with quote

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Halo: Death of a Sergeant Part One
Posted by Open The Hushed Caskets (Just_charlie@hotmail.co.uk)
19 November 2009, 1:05 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Open_The_Hus1119090105001.html
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kabu
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 4:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pay a [bit] more attention to canon -- Harvest (whose capital is Utgard) was glassed by the Covenant within days of first contact, many years before the Spartans went public.

Also, your subject is incredibly unclear. Read the first paragraph out loud -- it sounds like you just did a find/replace of "Jackson" for "I" without checking for the "me"s and "my"s first. And half of that paragraph is a run-on sentence.

The best advice I can give is to read your entire story out loud. It's good advice for everybody, and you'll pick up on punctuation and verb errors quickly.

Keep writing!
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ShroudedCloud
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 5:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

kabu wrote:
Pay a [bit] more attention to canon -- Harvest (whose capital is Utgard) was glassed by the Covenant within days of first contact, many years before the Spartans went public.


Umm, half right. Harvest was partially glassed. It's never said if they ever finished the job, nor how messed up the planet is. Haven't had the time to read the story yet, so, no idea if that is relevant... Just saying.
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kabu
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 9:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Even so, Johnson evacuated before the Tiara was destroyed, which was indeed within days of first contact.
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kr1
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 10:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Halo Wars is 2530, starts on Harvest, kabu. They pulled a Reach, glassing places but leaving Forerunner installations intact, IIRC.
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