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Naira's Shipwreck - Ch.1

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 4:38 pm    Post subject: Naira's Shipwreck - Ch.1 Reply with quote

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Naira's Shipwreck - Ch.1
Posted by Society For The Ancients (sfta@thewaytheirworldended.com)
2 November 2009, 5:19 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Society_For_1102091719421.html
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kabu
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 6:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This might be just a bit overwrought. Don't get me wrong, it's well written and engaging, but lay off the metaphor/simile a bit. Too much of a good thing, I guess, and too much focus on backstory. It would have been a bit better to cut down the prelude and extend the first chapter.

Other than that, you obviously have a great deal of writing talent and are going into this with a well-crafted story, and I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Just... a bit less dense.
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SFTA
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 6:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you for the feedback. I'll keep it in mind as the story progresses.
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kr1
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 6:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Meant to post this a while back with the Fic Pick, but eb ended up taking that instead. But what you've got is solid, well-written. There's not much there yet, but from the little we see it's promising. You've got the ability to write something good, so keep it up!
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