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Harvest's Fall: Second Encounter

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 12:34 pm    Post subject: Harvest's Fall: Second Encounter Reply with quote

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Harvest's Fall: Second Encounter
Posted by Conrad Lauf (conniesworld_aka_hell@hotmail.com)
30 July 2004, 8:45 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=conrad_lauf.0730040845382.html
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 6:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, the storyline is pretty good. Though it does go against what we know. Eric Nylund describes in a little bit of detail the generals of what happened at Harvest.
But they Covies didn't pick up anyone. Still, its an interesting viewpoint. But speaking of that, I'm not big on the whole diary thing. Sure, that can be good, but not for this type of story. I honestly wasn't conpelled to continue past the first section. Writing from a first person standpoint is ok, it you can write well from that view. But once you place it in a diary...details aren't there, and the story becomes boring.
This could have been good, even from a first-person view. But making it in a diary/journal format really took away from the story, in my opinion.

As for the story itself. There are a few things I don't agree with. While I do think that the Human could have heard the Prophet inside his head, I do not think that the Prophet would see the Human in the first place. Humans are vermin in their eyes, and would NEVER be allowed into a Prophets presence. Do you remember at the end of First Strike how surprised the Elite guards were when the Brute was allowed in?
On the same note, the Hunter guard thing was interesting. While I do think that Hunters would be formitable guards, I do not think they would really be allowed in the presence of a Prophet either. But I do like the idea you posed with it. Maybe we'll see black ops Hunters one of these days.
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Chuckles
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI

PostPosted: Sat Jul 31, 2004 5:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I found this story very readable and inventive. Your writing is very smooth, and by the end I had bought into the idea that this was someone's diary. You also used great descriptives.

It is nice to see someone try something new. If I had to critique anything, it woud be the formatting. It looks messy, and when you write something this good, you don't want to detract from it.

Great job.

C.T. Clown
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White elite
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Joined: 31 Jul 2004
Posts: 26
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 31, 2004 5:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i hate too read's some diary,but u did a great good on writing this story.....
keep it up Exclamation
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