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Face of Death

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Fri Oct 02, 2009 1:29 pm    Post subject: Face of Death Reply with quote

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Face of Death
Posted by grantix (grantixtechno@gmail.com)
27 September 2009, 2:42 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=grantix0927090242371.html
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kr1
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Joined: 27 Feb 2007
Posts: 436
Location: UNSC Frigate September

PostPosted: Fri Oct 02, 2009 2:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good work here. No obvious GPS trouble, all-around solid writing. You've got the basics covered.

Now, the story itself. I like the realistic feel you've got going here. No over the top dialogue, casualties off the bat, mission gone awry. It's a refreshing turn from the normal supermarine stories.

I don't, however, find your protagonist refusing to fire on child soldiers particularly believable. If it were just a run of the mill marine, maybe. Even then, though, a soldier's likely to just shoot if his own life is on the line. But considering he's a Helljumper that's seen combat experience, I just don't buy it. The ending comes off as even less believable.

My only other real complaint is a rank nitpick: a major wouldn't lead a five-man squad. That's a company-level officer. That's minor, though.

Overall, good work. Solid story here. Wink
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