HBO Fan Fiction

[kr1]

We've got a decent-sized crop of fics here, right on the heels of our contest, Feet First Into Hell. Hopefully a few of the newcomers were inspired to write here because of that. And if any of you are still on the fence, go on ahead! We're always looking for new blood here, and we don't bite. Much.

Anyways, here's the entries for the Fic Pick of the Week:

Prologue-Helljumper's Sorrow (working title) by Dominick Depascale

Dominick's a newbie here, and for a first entry, this isn't bad. His GPS is solid, but he falls into a few ruts here and there: a little bit of weapon porn, trouble keeping a consistent POV, and flat characters. We only briefly get in the main character's head, then we're thrown into the battle. Solid, but he's got some work to be done.

Sleep/Wake: The Pale Black Dot, Part 1 by 4642 Elitist Bastard

eb kicks off his post-Halo 3 story with an archaeological expedition finding something from the Human-Covenant War. Interesting play on a somewhat cliche theme, but not bad stuff.

New Harvest by Jay2645

Jay's not a completely new face, with his second fic posted here. He's got a solid writing style, and an interesting concept, with cloned ODSTs competing with the SII project for funding. It starts off solid, but falls into a bit of Mary Sue-isms slanted towards his ODSTs, as well as some mess-ups with military rank and such, and a few cliches and humor at inappropriate times. Not bad, but a good effort.

Luck by Paul Shelley

Paul's another newcomer here, Paul's got some solid writing here about an ODST stuck behind enemy lines. He has a little trouble with showing versus telling, though. This is slightly excusable, since there's only really one character who doesn't speak.

The Tru7h of the Matter by Bloodlust

Bloodlust is another newcomer here. He's got a story about an ODST drop. At first, it seems like it'll be your typical gung-ho supermarine story, but Bloodlust injects some realism and death and gloom into it all. He's got a bit of a tendency to tell rather than show, but the writing's solid, and while the ending is a tad cliché, at least it's one of the lesser used cliches around these parts.

[http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Mark_Lieberg0921091708581.html]Ever Sharp - Repairs & Mysteries [/url] by Mark Lieberg

Mark's a returning Old Schooler here, with a prologue to a new series. Unfortunately, it's way too short to judge properly. It's over as soon as it begins, with next to nothing gleaned. Not bad, but too short.

Intro: The Storm by Black Furnace

Black Furnace is a new writer here as well, with a story about a squad of ODSTs. He's got a bit of supermarine syndrome going on, though, and the dialogue for the middle of a gunfight is unrealistic and laid back. Needs a bit of work.

And now, on to the Fic Pick of the Week!

In Honorable Mention, we have:

New Harvest by Jay2654

Neat: Jay's got a genuinely unique idea here, not one that I've seen any writer actually tackle. The writing's solid, but what sold me was the idea. It would make sense the UNSC would use cloned soldiers, seeing they do have cloning capabilities, but it's never really mentioned much. Kudos to him for that.

Whoa there: Jay goes a bit overboard with his pet idea here, though. More than once they're given a more favorable light than Spartans, and that pulled me out a bit. Add to that live fire exercises that're completely unnecessary as well as a cliche ending, and this ends up just an Honorable Mention. Good, but not the best.

In Second Place, we've got:

Sleep/Wake: The Pale Black Dot, Part 1 by 4642 Elitist Bastard

Intriguing...: eb gets a lot of “Oh? Interesting...” points here. There's a Forerunner world discovered by a UNSC/Elite archaeological team, nifty use of Sentinels and Forerunner tech, and an overall setup for an interesting story.

Unfortunately: It just doesn't quite deliver. For all the Forerunner tech, the characters are very humdrum about it all. As neat as it is, there's none of the mystery typically associated with them. And it all moves just a bit fast, adding to that. The later chapters are sure to be an improvement, however.

And finally, for the Fic Pick of the Week, we have:

Luck by Paul Shelley

Very ODST: Paul manages to get a similar feel to ODST here in his fic, with an abandoned Helljumper wandering a deserted city, avoiding Covenant patrols. Like with the Rookie, the whole loneliness of the situation is reinforced by a lack of dialogue. No supermarine syndrome, which is always a plus, and there's a nifty canon nod, too.

On the downside: There's a lot of telling rather than showing, which detracts from the overall presentation. Paul has trouble keeping a consistent tense, too, which also throws things out of whack. Still needs a bit of work.

And there you have it, folks! Not the best week, but all around good stuff from everyone, and a great turnout from newcomers! Thanks for reading, all.
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[Jay2645]

It's 2645, but close enough. Thanks for the Honorable Mention.

[kr1]

Oops. The one time I don't copy/paste a name...
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