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What Once was Ours, chapter 1

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 28, 2009 3:20 pm    Post subject: What Once was Ours, chapter 1 Reply with quote

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What Once was Ours, chapter 1
Posted by Jake Trommer (wedgefan@comcast.net)
27 August 2009, 11:05 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Jake_Trommer0827092305091.html
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UNSC Trooper
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Location: Overlooking a rebel hideout from an orbiting UEG patrol frigate.

PostPosted: Fri Aug 28, 2009 5:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I haven't commented on AoI06, but I won't let that happen to this series.

Pretty action-packed opening chapter for a series which, I imagine, deals with the split in the UNSC between Hood's faction and Parangosky's, as you've explained in the last chapter of AoI06. Same very well-written dialogue and the same thrilling political side of the military, and the surprising introduction of a historical asset in there: the US Navy. "What is that in the first place?" makes someone in 2550 wonder. Razz

One very minor and pretty much irrelevant nitpick I've got is the "Terran Home Guard" title. Sounds a bit out-of-Halo for a military organization in that it uses the "Terran" descriptor as opposed to "Earth," which is more often used in the Haloverse.

And another minor nitpick:

Quote:
The tension between the two could have been cut with a knife and served on crackers.

A bit of a cliche in there, but the "served on crackers" addition is original and pardons it somewhat. Just watch out for them. Wink

Great chapter, Jake!
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kabu
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 28, 2009 5:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You already heard my nitpicks (lay off the foreshadowing) but again, a wonderful chapter. Your strength, as always, lies in crafting interesting and unique characters.
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kr1
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 29, 2009 3:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Excellent work, as usual, Jake, and good to see you rolling out with this right on the heels of AoI06. Loved Ackerson, as usual, and interested where the Chief ends up going with this. Arbiter, too.

Keep it up!
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eb4642
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 12:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very good, Jake. I can't say too much at the moment (that's the only problem I had, it was criminally short) but it looks like this'll be another good series.
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