HBO Fan Fiction

[hboff]

This topic is for posting comments to:

Se7en
Posted by Vickt (soresu@hotmail.com)
12 August 2009, 9:59 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Vickt0812092159541.html

[JordanBBad]

Woah.

This was incredible, Vickt. I usually don't read books all the way through unless I was forced to. It takes a lot - and I mean a LOT - to get me into a story. You, though, hit it spot on.

There isn't one thing I don't like about this. The dialogue is spectacular. You give the characters believable personalities, which I absolutely adore. The descriptions - oh gawd the descriptions - they were just beautiful; you did an excellent job at making sure that anything Miranda saw, the reader saw. The GPS was great, minus one simple spelling error that I almost missed. Although I've never tried it, I'm sure writing about a character in the storyline, like the Keyes', is a very risky take to pull off, not to mention putting things in their perspective; but you managed to pull it off, and you pulled it off well.

With that said, you especially deserve a 10. Out of 5.

GG, Vickt, GG. You've become one of my favorites. Write moar for us!
_________________
Now with more mind games!

[(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher]

I agree with JordanBBad's review for the most part. You have a command of dialogue and descriptions, but I thought that the ending scene, and the fight scene, dragged on just a little bit from believability to dramability. That was from my viewpoint, at least. -shrug-

Still really good, though. I'll be looking for your next additions.
_________________

"My appreciation for being quoted is being masked by my distaste for your incompetence, Gallagher" - Shrumertaor
Idea, Plot, Character, and Forum Signatures

[Arthur Wellesley]

Really good, Vickt. I have to say, this was a pleasure to read. Your style flows nicely, and you brought you really brought your characters to life. In a relatively short space, you got me caring about Miranda, her friends, and even the stalwart Captain Keyes (still a Commander here, consistent with canon). The comraderie between Miranda and the other bridge officers, and the enmity between her and Lucas, was very well done. You made Miranda, in particular, an extremely appealing person. I feel like I want to know more about her story.

My only complaint would be occasional dips in your style. While for the most part it is very good, gliding along smoothly and in an entertaining fashion, you have a few oddities which stick out. Towards the beginning you used caps to signify yelling; at times, your narrative had rather silly asides; and most of all, you overused paraetheses, which in my opinion ought not to be used at all. Tighten up your style a little bit and you'll be a truly great writer.

I'm not sure if you're planning to continue this or not, but either way, you've found a new fan. Excellent work, Vickt. Hope you stick around.

- Arthur
_________________
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. - Napoleon
Current Project: Vestal Flame. Current Word Count: 27,017