HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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Triple Contact: Resurgence, Part 1
Posted by UNSC Trooper (unsctrooper@hotmail.com)
7 August 2009, 8:03 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=UNSC_Trooper0807090803331.html

Arthur Wellesley · Member Joined: 30 Jun 2006 Posts: 306 Location: Canada

Wow, this is quite a start to a series, Trooper. There is a lot going on here, with promise of much more to come. The first part didn't reveal much, but set the stage very well for future events. You gave us a nice perspective in Dales, whose own introduction to the strange setting helped to infuse it with a mysterious feeling. Interspersed throughout this sequence are interesting tidbits on UNSC procedure.

The second scene, with its overtly political tone, had a faster pace. Oswald maneuvering himself into position to deliver the blow to Hood was cool to watch, and leaves us to contemplate his end-game strategy. The UNSC protocol and the weight of history that you brought to this scene was inspired and came across as both realistic and justified within the Haloverse. Clearly you put a lot of thought into this, and it paid off with a high level of believability.

I have two complaints, however. The first is the overuse of description and exposition - and this comes from a man who loves him some exposition. The problem wasn't always that there was too much, but that you described things I didn't really care about. This is most noticeable in the Hornet scene. You talked about the specs too long, especially given how well most Halo 3 players know the vehicle already. In the end, I wanted to know more about the characters and less about certain minutiae.

The second is quite minor, but it popped up once or twice: