kabu IRC Channel Operator

Joined: 18 Oct 2008 Posts: 204 Location: Nowhere in particular.
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Posted: Fri Aug 14, 2009 3:40 am Post subject: |
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Better. Much better. You make a real effort to get character development into here, and it shows. It's a bit melodramatic for my tastes, but you take us inside Half-Jaw's head rather than just hearing him make things explode. The tough-as-nails Marine is a bit stereotyped, but still can be a fun character to work with. In the technical aspects, there is some word repetition that breaks up the flow a bit, but nothing to drastic. Oh, and it's spelled "Heresy," not "Heracy."
Looking forwards to your next chapter! _________________
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