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Attack On Installation 06: Finale

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 07, 2009 12:04 pm    Post subject: Attack On Installation 06: Finale Reply with quote

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Attack On Installation 06: Finale
Posted by Jake Trommer (wedgefan@comcast.net)
6 August 2009, 9:40 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Jake_Trommer0806092140301.html
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Col. Knadan
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 07, 2009 4:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jake, I'm going to be completely honest when I say this. This is one of the best fan fic series I have read I am going to be sad that it's done. I've been looking forward to a to a new chapter every update. Keep up the good work Jake, you're one of the best writers I've seen.
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eb4642
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Joined: 09 May 2009
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 09, 2009 1:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Right, I am so terribly sorry that I didn't comment before, but I just couldn't tear myself away from Master Chief and the Wang Monster.

It was mostly excellent: the only things I'm slightly worried about are the 'rerouting auxiliary power to engines' (engines eat fuel, not power) and the fact it seemed a little contrived. Nevertheless, apart from that, it was brilliant.

(PS: I'm back on IRC now - I was busy chasing the cat.)
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kr1
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 10, 2009 2:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great work, Jake. The opening scene is much improved over the first draft you sent me. I agree with eb, parts were a little contrived, like leaving just Dubbo when a few more marines would've solved the problem entirely. I did enjoy that scene, though, and your relationship between him and Stacker throughout. Enjoyed Harper and Easley's mentions, even if the former belongs to Ster ( Razz ). My only real complaint is that for whatever reason, it seemed much too quick. Still a good read, though.

And congrats on joining those few who completed a series! You and Arthur in one week!
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kabu
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 10, 2009 2:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pretty much all the praise I had for your first draft still stands - an amazing finale to an amazing series. I love that you upped the tension with the detonation - it works really well. If I had one complaint, it would be that Dubbo's death wasn't fleshed out some more, but compared to the rest of this excellent chapter, it's a fairly minor nitpick.

Great job. I look forward to whatever you have coming up next Smile.
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