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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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Col. Knadan
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Joined: 08 Aug 2008
Posts: 68
Location: UNSC In Amber Clad II Class Cruiser
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 Posted: Fri Aug 07, 2009 4:21 pm Post subject: |
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Jake, I'm going to be completely honest when I say this. This is one of the best fan fic series I have read I am going to be sad that it's done. I've been looking forward to a to a new chapter every update. Keep up the good work Jake, you're one of the best writers I've seen.
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I'll tear out skull and beat you to death with it!
"This doesn't seem physically possible!", Micky, RedvsBlue The Blood Gulch Chronicles |
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eb4642
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Joined: 09 May 2009
Posts: 77
Location: The Hobbit Hole
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| Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2009 1:31 am Post subject: |
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Right, I am so terribly sorry that I didn't comment before, but I just couldn't tear myself away from Master Chief and the Wang Monster.
It was mostly excellent: the only things I'm slightly worried about are the 'rerouting auxiliary power to engines' (engines eat fuel, not power) and the fact it seemed a little contrived. Nevertheless, apart from that, it was brilliant.
(PS: I'm back on IRC now - I was busy chasing the cat.)
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The Elitist Bastard | Writing is the business of professional turd-polishing.
"(don't take this review too seriously) If you doubt this is possible, how is it there are PYGMIES + DWARFS??" |
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kr1
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Joined: 27 Feb 2007
Posts: 436
Location: UNSC Frigate September
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| Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2009 2:44 pm Post subject: |
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Great work, Jake. The opening scene is much improved over the first draft you sent me. I agree with eb, parts were a little contrived, like leaving just Dubbo when a few more marines would've solved the problem entirely. I did enjoy that scene, though, and your relationship between him and Stacker throughout. Enjoyed Harper and Easley's mentions, even if the former belongs to Ster (  ). My only real complaint is that for whatever reason, it seemed much too quick. Still a good read, though.
And congrats on joining those few who completed a series! You and Arthur in one week!
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kabu
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Joined: 18 Oct 2008
Posts: 205
Location: Nowhere in particular.
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| Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2009 2:49 pm Post subject: |
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Pretty much all the praise I had for your first draft still stands - an amazing finale to an amazing series. I love that you upped the tension with the detonation - it works really well. If I had one complaint, it would be that Dubbo's death wasn't fleshed out some more, but compared to the rest of this excellent chapter, it's a fairly minor nitpick.
Great job. I look forward to whatever you have coming up next  .
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