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Holy Hunt : Chapter One : Warm Welcome

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 11, 2004 2:51 pm    Post subject: Holy Hunt : Chapter One : Warm Welcome Reply with quote

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Holy Hunt : Chapter One : Warm Welcome
Posted by OpeningAct (moores@no12tudor.plus.com)
9 December 2004, 7:20 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=openingact.1209041920082.html
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OpeningAct
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 11, 2004 5:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry about the slight formatting problems, i dont know what happened. Thanks and please comment.
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 11, 2004 7:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It sucked.


JK!

It was better than I expected. Keep up the good work!
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OpeningAct
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 12, 2004 9:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks ENS. Anyone else?
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Nick Kang
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 12, 2004 3:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Don't how I missed this the day of the update...

I've been looking forward to this chapter, and I was not disappointed in the least. The only thing I noticed was that you sometimes forgot spaces between words. Other than that, keep it up! Very Happy
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 12, 2004 8:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There were a few funny things with the dialogue punctuation. Kinda looked odd.
The Brutes sounded good, but I think just a tad too much like Elites. There wasn't all that much in their speech that made me think "Oh! Brute!" instead of just the normal Elite ship master.
Your transitions were odd, too. Those double-spaces seemed to be dropped in without much apparent reason.

Things seemed to go by jsut a tad too fast, as well. More detail, purhaps, could help that.

Overall, it was good, and I will loke forward the the combat and story you have in store for us. But, keep working to improve.
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OpeningAct
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 12, 2004 9:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Everyone keeps complainin about double spacing but i cant see it. Strange. About the Brute dialogue, I just tried to make them sound Covenant-ish. I wanted to explain the situation so id didnt really want to use sort of "Me Brute" kinda language.

This series is a lot about action but, it does have a dash of betrayal plus a quite ( in my opinion ) solid storyline. Anyway thanks MCC and Nick, youve encouraged me to keep wriing this series. After last night, with no comments, i wasnt so sure. So thanks.
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SYSTEM
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 12, 2004 11:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Internet's still misbehaving... but perhaps if I double-click refresh it will show up.

Ah! There it is.

A little speedbump on the beginning, but the opening is good, hence the name "Opening Act."

Interesting - a point to the many ships that founder on Icebergs, looks like this ship is in for a good time. I like how that Brute tried to squish into the little H-E-V pod. Almost made me feel sorry for him - I'm sure all aliens are claustrophobic if they need such high ceilings.

- Dave.
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