HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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Through the Ship Masters eyes (Prologue)
Posted by Aaron (sparta24945@aol.com)
17 July 2009, 7:41 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Aaron0717090741111.html

kabu · Posted: Fri Jul 24, 2009 5:59 am Post subject:

This could be a good story, but there are a couple of obstacles standing in your way. First, you have a lot of run-on sentences. If you find that you're using three or more commas in a sentence, that's probably too much. Read your story out loud to catch this sort of thing. Second, you have a lot of typos - "there" instead of "their," "strait" instead of "straight," and a few missing apostrophes. Again, proofread.

As for the story, writing from an alien perspective is very difficult, but if you try I have no doubt you can pull it off. Just proofread a bit next time.
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