HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index HBO Fan Fiction
Forum for HBO Fan Fiction Related Stuff
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Through the Ship Masters eyes (Prologue)

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
hboff
Site Admin


Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4355

PostPosted: Fri Jul 17, 2009 1:00 pm    Post subject: Through the Ship Masters eyes (Prologue) Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

Through the Ship Masters eyes (Prologue)
Posted by Aaron (sparta24945@aol.com)
17 July 2009, 7:41 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Aaron0717090741111.html
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
kabu
IRC Channel Operator


Joined: 18 Oct 2008
Posts: 204
Location: Nowhere in particular.

PostPosted: Fri Jul 24, 2009 5:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This could be a good story, but there are a couple of obstacles standing in your way. First, you have a lot of run-on sentences. If you find that you're using three or more commas in a sentence, that's probably too much. Read your story out loud to catch this sort of thing. Second, you have a lot of typos - "there" instead of "their," "strait" instead of "straight," and a few missing apostrophes. Again, proofread.

As for the story, writing from an alien perspective is very difficult, but if you try I have no doubt you can pull it off. Just proofread a bit next time.
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group