HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4377

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Battle of Hazmeo: Part 1
Posted by benzoe590 (brooker@maine.rr.com)
30 June 2009, 9:16 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=benzoe5900630092116261.html

kabu · Posted: Tue Jul 07, 2009 5:04 pm Post subject:

This could use some improvement. Very simple prose with a very simple plot, it doesn't really have a heck of a lot going on in the first place. And I'm really not a fan of "Glubdub."

You really need to work on dialogue. Before you submit, try reading the entire piece out loud and if it sounds awkward, rewrite it.

Massive, massive grammar, spelling and punctuation errors. "Ddidn't," "stading," "evey," "counldn't," and that's just the first couple of paragraphs. Doubled-up punctuation, messed up quotation marks - seriously, don't submit if you can't at least run your story through MS Word, much less proofread.
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