HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index HBO Fan Fiction
Forum for HBO Fan Fiction Related Stuff
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Wolf

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
hboff
Site Admin


Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 4:45 pm    Post subject: Wolf Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

Wolf
Posted by Kaiyo no Hime (hitokiri_hime@yahoo.com)
28 June 2009, 9:20 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Kaiyo_no_Him0628090920011.html
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
StevieTopSiders
Member


Joined: 07 Mar 2009
Posts: 1
Location: MIT

PostPosted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 5:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now this is very interesting! A couple spelling errors turned my mind from the story a bit, but not totally so. It was short and a little underdeveloped. It led to a certain aura of mystery, but I now have too many questions for my liking. Good story overall!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Kaiyo No Hime
Member


Joined: 30 Jan 2009
Posts: 4

PostPosted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 6:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

May I ask to which spelling errors you are referring? I'll admit that I do make human mistakes, but I did put my writing through a spellchecker and a quick Beta.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
StevieTopSiders
Member


Joined: 07 Mar 2009
Posts: 1
Location: MIT

PostPosted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 12:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, in the re-read, I found none. I recall that I thought something about mad scientists was messed up (obviously not) and that Earth was a blue word. Sorry for that, and congratulations on the Second Place!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Arthur Wellesley
Member


Joined: 30 Jun 2006
Posts: 306
Location: Canada

PostPosted: Tue Jul 07, 2009 7:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is really excellent, Kaiyo. I can't remember the last time I read something so impressive from a first-timer.

This was short but sweet, and has a lot of promise for what I can only assume will be a series (right?). You have a very beautiful way with words - great sentence structure and some downright fantastic imagery. I was particularly impressed by this early paragraph:

Quote:
She no longer remembered her real family, she had shoved that awful knowledge away on the seventh night of her training, refusing to let the tears stream down her face one more night. There was no use thinking of the little cat that like to lick her face, longing for the homemade strawberry jam her mother made, or of late evenings spent racing around with friends as parents called them home for supper. Even the faint memory of the little girl in the red cloak, screaming through the woods as she ran from the ravenous wolf was tossed aside.


That's some great writing, right there. Very emotional and visual. Nice.

I have to admit, I wasn't quite sure where you were going with this. That our protagonist was an AI from a failed Spartan II pleasantly surprised me. Then, the reveal that she was rampant, and adift in a ship that was cut off from Earth, presumably due to its invasion... great setup. Great concept.

This succeeded on every point. I look forward to more.

- Arthur
_________________
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. - Napoleon
Current Project: Vestal Flame. Current Word Count: 27,017
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group