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Thomaston - From Tulane

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 26, 2009 11:35 am    Post subject: Thomaston - From Tulane Reply with quote

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Thomaston - From Tulane
Posted by CaptainRaspberry (jptaber@gmail.com)
25 June 2009, 7:42 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=CaptainRaspb0625091942051.html
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 26, 2009 8:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You know why I like these, Captain Strawberry? (Very Happy)

It's because you write your characters like they're human. From my point of view, you're not writing a fictional story but you're telling me something that actually happened. It's really good, even though when I read these I happen to see in my head The Things They Carried or some other Tim O'Brien book.

But, that's a compliment. Smile

Good job, CaptainRaspberry. You've earned another fan.
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SeverianofUrth
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 26, 2009 9:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's weird--I know it'll be good stuff, because there's already an expectation that whatever you produce will be good at worst and great at best. So I'm trying to think of a way to phrase it so that it's not just another 'great job,' but well, great job. Laughing

I've never read Tim O'Brien, so I can't comment on that. My only complaint is that these excursions to Thomaston just didn't jive with my personal idea of what war would be like--in the days of horses and cannons, sure, maybe a relatively idyllic setting could exist behind the frontlines. But Halo's futuristic setting means that bunkers and other static defenses are relatively useless against the specter of orbital bombing, not to mention magical flying-chariots carrying squid-faced things to drop them anywhere they please.

Finally--what Walter did at the end was a total douchebag move.
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CaptainRaspberry
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 2:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

SeverianofUrth wrote:
My only complaint is that these excursions to Thomaston just didn't jive with my personal idea of what war would be like--in the days of horses and cannons, sure, maybe a relatively idyllic setting could exist behind the frontlines. But Halo's futuristic setting means that bunkers and other static defenses are relatively useless against the specter of orbital bombing, not to mention magical flying-chariots carrying squid-faced things to drop them anywhere they please.


Thomaston was supposed to be a very surreal place, a concept I touched on in earlier chapters. While I haven't been to war myself, the overall effect I get from hearing and reading about other people's experiences is that as bloody and tragic as it is, there's a certain bizarre aspect to it.

And I have plans for Thomaston. Wink

SeverianofUrth wrote:
Finally--what Walter did at the end was a total douchebag move.


Heh heh... I make no apology for the actions of PFC Holiday.

Even if they're based in real life.
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Arthur Wellesley
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 3:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I suppose it was pretty douchey of Walter... but then again, I have no patience for men like Tom. In my estimation, they deserve what they get.

Which, by the way, leads me to what I like so much about this series. You have a knack for characterization - Tom is just "that guy." We all know "that guy," and you know that we know "that guy," so you more or less just leave it at that. Does that make sense? What I'm trying to say is, you let us identify with your characters without reams of exposition and backstory, which is not easy to do.

The vignette style you've got seems to be working well, as before. War is a great opportunity for some character study, what with the mish-mash of people being forced into life and death situations together. This one, taking place in a more idyllic setting, deals with the more overtly male aspect of that mish-mash. And well done. This had a light touch with a hint of darkness at the end. Just right.

I'll echo Sev's complaint, but not with much enthusiasm. I find most fics take this route, so I'll forgive it. However, whoever controls orbit would control the surface... and since a two year space battle seems unlikely (really a two hour space battle seems unlikely), the conditions o described seem... well, unlikely. This is, of course, especially true of the Covenant, who simply wish to glass planets, or bombard them into dust even if they plan on keeping them (ie Reach, Earth).

Anyway, awesome entry. Great style, great story. Keep it up.

- Arthur
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CaptainRaspberry
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 28, 2009 2:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Arthur Wellesley wrote:
I'll echo Sev's complaint, but not with much enthusiasm. I find most fics take this route, so I'll forgive it. However, whoever controls orbit would control the surface... and since a two year space battle seems unlikely (really a two hour space battle seems unlikely), the conditions o described seem... well, unlikely. This is, of course, especially true of the Covenant, who simply wish to glass planets, or bombard them into dust even if they plan on keeping them (ie Reach, Earth).


Well, I haven't really gone into the situation in space not because I haven't thought about it, but because it hasn't really come up. I wasn't planning on going into detail, but now I think I might later on. Still, I'll address the issue now:

As I mentioned earlier, the UNSC is pouring tons of funds into keeping the planet theirs, and the Covenant is just as interested in Tulane (standard reasons, though they'll remain largely unexplored since they're incidental). I'm not saying the space battle is constant, but it does flare and fade, usually with one side gaining brief space superiority before the next tussle starts.

And like I said before, even when the Covenant controls the atmosphere, they have more important targets than some random town next to an insignificant base. There's fighting going on all over the planet, and their resources are needed elsewhere to accomplish their goals.

I'll try to fit these explanations into the story itself, since it does seem to be a gaping hole.
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kabu
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 28, 2009 7:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Do dee do, finally getting around to finishing reviews. Damn insomnia.

Anyway, though you deserve nothing but painful vengeance, I really like this chapter. Your strength lies in very swiftly crafting believable flesh-and-blood characters, even over the course of a single chapter. Tom is the sort of character who we can immediately recognize. I feel like previous chapters haven't really given me such a good handle on Holiday, but the little bits of dialogue in this one give insight to his character, especially the way he berates himself when he screwed up. His narration is great as well. I hope to see more of Thomas Pope in future chapters too.

As for the whole thing with the town still existing, I don't really mind the logic behind it as long as it works really well. I figure that the more you bend logic and common sense, the more effort you have to put in to make the suspension of disbelief stick, so watch out for that.

You seem to be sticking to O'Brien's style of writing, which is excellent of course, but don't let that stop you from furthering your own voice.

As always, a great read and a fine piece of work!
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kr1
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 1:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, most everything that could be said already has been. Great work, Raspberry! I'm a particular fan of the jumping around on the timeline that you do, and I'm sure I've mentioned it before. I'm with Arthur, too: Holiday was a dick, but Pope was a bigger dick. I don't have any problem with a two year orbital battle, too, it makes sense if the UNSC pours in resources and the Covenant are only mildly interested.

Anyways, enjoyable read, keep it up. Wink
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