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Attack on Installation 06, part 22

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 6:52 pm    Post subject: Attack on Installation 06, part 22 Reply with quote

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Attack on Installation 06, part 22
Posted by Jake Trommer (Jake_Trommer)
19 June 2009, 12:21 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Jake_Trommer0619091221451.html
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 6:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Adrian Shephard, huh? Very Happy

I liked it, Jake! Smile
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eb4642
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 7:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

At last!

It's excellent: you're very good at keeping things fast-paced, but at the same time thickly plotted. You're also very skilled when it comes to building suspense.

Tres bien.
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kr1
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 7:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very good work, Jake. Good to see something with a decent length, too. Razz

Nielson's spoilerific line was a little cliche, and I was a bit disappointed the scene with Parangosky and Ackerson giving him his orders wasn't in here as a flashback. I'm assuming it was in an older chapter?

Anyways, all the comments from proofreading still stand. Great work with this one here. Wink
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Jake Trommer
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The flashback takes place next chapter; fear not, it will see the light of day. Very Happy
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kabu
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Gah. That was horrifying, with the dismembered hunter and... ew.

Seriously great job on this one. Like, totally. Characters, dialogue, descriptions, you really hit the nail on the head with this chapter. One complaint - excessive gun-naming gets a little old. "Pistol" is fine by me. Smile

Anyway, I really love this chapter - one of your strongest, I think. I was expecting that flashback, though...
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kr1
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 26, 2009 10:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just remembered this random nitpicky thing, think it was this chapter:

Settlers on Cote d'Azur are AUSSIES?!? That's French! Razz

Anyways, I've already said how much I've been loving your latest stuff, I'll get to the newest one soon.
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Jake Trommer
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 12:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I said Chi Ceti IV, not Cote D'Azur. Wink
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kr1
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 3:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ah, my bad. I'm a dumbass... Embarassed Razz
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