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halo 4 screenplay

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 1:11 pm    Post subject: halo 4 screenplay Reply with quote

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halo 4 screenplay
Posted by Spartan shot (farfrompuken191@cs.com)
19 June 2009, 12:39 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Spartan_shot0619090039091.html
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Jake Trommer
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 2:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I could only skim this, due to WALL OF TEXT syndrome, which leads me to my biggest suggestion for you: use the code.

See how I did that there? That's the code. If you want something bolded, just put around it, for italics, and [indent] at the beginning of every paragraph. For that matter, you should also start a new paragraph every time someone speaks.

And on that note, this is a screenplay, right? You're not supposed to use a lot of description or put the dialogue in the middle of the paragraph. For example, your second paragraph starts like this:
Quote:
Exterior: Orbit of Planet Sanghelios

The Elite ship The Shadow of Intent comes out of Slipspace. The Arbiter jumps from his command seat. Shipmaster Rtas 'Vadum says," I thought you said we had made it safe." with great disappointment.


However, with use of the code and screenplay format, it should look like this:
Quote:
[indent]Exterior: Orbit of Sanghelios

[indent]The Shadow of Intent comes out of Slipspace, into the midst of a Brute Fleet.

[indent]Shadow of Intent bridge

[indent]The Arbiter is in the command seat, Shipmaster Rtas 'Vadum at his side. Both are startled by this unexpected turn of events.

[indent]'Vadum (with an air of great disappointment): I thought you said we had made it safe

I'm not a screenplay writer myself, so some of that might not be correct, so somebody like JD who actually does write screenplays can help you out.
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Col. Knadan
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 3:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Overall good read, however the way it was written to me made seem like it wouldn't work as well for a game as it might for a movie, other than that good story.
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spartan shot
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 5:11 pm    Post subject: thnx Reply with quote

it came out shitty. i kno. i had typed this in my free time on microsft word for shits n giggles. when i found this forum i just coppied and pasted. iv already fixd it nd posted a rewrite. shuld b easier to read. thnx for the tips
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kabu
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 5:31 pm    Post subject: Re: thnx Reply with quote

spartan shot wrote:
it came out shitty. i kno. i had typed this in my free time on microsft word for shits n giggles. when i found this forum i just coppied and pasted. iv already fixd it nd posted a rewrite. shuld b easier to read. thnx for the tips


Dear God man, vowels, please. Speak English at least.

Anyway, I haven't had time to read the whole thing, but from what I've seen this would make a better straight-up story than a screenplay. A screenplay is really just dialogue with a bit of stage direction, whereas you go for real description and such.
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