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hboff Site Admin
Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4352
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kabu IRC Channel Operator

Joined: 18 Oct 2008 Posts: 205 Location: Nowhere in particular.
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Posted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 5:39 pm Post subject: |
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Oh hey, two stories in a week. We don't see that often.
Anyway, I have mixed feelings on this one. Once again, you have a great writing style that's easy to read and gives a lot without drowning us, which is really great. On the other hand, the plot... well, just to start out, I highly doubt that a dark planet covered with continent-sized Forerunner glyphs is Sanghelios, but I'll let that slide. But an infinite-ammo Splazer? Falling from orbit into water? There wouldn't even be a read smear left.
Though I really like the cross-species politics, especially the falling-out between Half-Jaw and the Arbiter over Lord Hood. That sort of stuff is always cool. And you nailed the cheesy formal Elite talk
There are far fewer GPS errors than your other piece, though you do have the occasional typo. So once I take my suspension of disbelief and launch it into orbit, I feel like I could enjoy this one. _________________
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Wolverfrog Member
Joined: 19 Jun 2009 Posts: 11
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Posted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 8:05 pm Post subject: |
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| kabu wrote: | Oh hey, two stories in a week. We don't see that often.
Anyway, I have mixed feelings on this one. Once again, you have a great writing style that's easy to read and gives a lot without drowning us, which is really great. On the other hand, the plot... well, just to start out, I highly doubt that a dark planet covered with continent-sized Forerunner glyphs is Sanghelios, but I'll let that slide. But an infinite-ammo Splazer? Falling from orbit into water? There wouldn't even be a read smear left.
Though I really like the cross-species politics, especially the falling-out between Half-Jaw and the Arbiter over Lord Hood. That sort of stuff is always cool. And you nailed the cheesy formal Elite talk
There are far fewer GPS errors than your other piece, though you do have the occasional typo. So once I take my suspension of disbelief and launch it into orbit, I feel like I could enjoy this one. |
Right, first thing's first, thanks for reading both of my stories. Okay, so; what I have posted so far is very basic, back when I was just getting started with writing.
Halo 3: Insurrection and Memoirs of an ODST are actually on Bungie.net, Insurrection has Nineteen parts done, whilst Memoirs has Thirty. With a lot more on the way.
Trust me when I say this, it gets better later on. Anyway, I'm totally new to this site, I discovered it reading "Another Halo Comic", and found this sub website thingy. I wasn't sure how to post my stories, and whether or not I should have posted all of the parts at once or do them one at a time.
So how exactly should I go about submitting these parts? Sorry to bother you mate.
Right, as for the Planet covered in Forerunner glyphs, it has been said that Sanghelios was visited and inhabited by the Forerunners long before the Elites. Basically, I just wanted a change from the other cliche epilogues which are set on a Forerunner planet where Forerunners live.
The Laser actually isn't infinite; that would be silly. As it mentioned, it has a contained nuclear battery powering it, which gives it a longer life than the usual power cells. In Halo 3, the laser from Johnson is undepletable, I thought I'd make reference to that.
As for the hitting water from orbit thing, yeah, I guess I messed up there. *Gives "Well he's a Spartan" excuse*
Anyway, thanks for welcoming me, and I'd love it if you could explain how this place works.
Thanks,
Wolvers.[/b] |
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kabu IRC Channel Operator

Joined: 18 Oct 2008 Posts: 205 Location: Nowhere in particular.
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Posted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 8:37 pm Post subject: |
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| Wolverfrog wrote: |
Halo 3: Insurrection and Memoirs of an ODST are actually on Bungie.net, Insurrection has Nineteen parts done, whilst Memoirs has Thirty. With a lot more on the way.
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Holy shit.
What I would do is submit one part a week. Personally, I wouldn't have both stories going at the same time, but really that's still a perfectly valid choice.
Suggestion - don't just copy/paste your existing chapters. Proofread and edit a bit first, catch those typos and maybe expand a bit. And I can deal with the Splazer, I guess .
A quick overview of hboff. You can submit on the main page every week, and new stories are posted Friday mornings. Sometime in the next few days, some forum member writes the "Fic Pick of the Week," a (theoretically) comprehensive review that ranks the top two or three submissions. It gets posted in the "Reviews" forum. The site activity varies - I've seen fifteen stories one week and two stories the next. We also have a fairly active community going on in the forums below.
Anyway, welcome to hboff. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. I'll be reading .
Ninja edit: To forestal the usual question - only posts in this forum count towards your postcount. _________________
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Wolverfrog Member
Joined: 19 Jun 2009 Posts: 11
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Posted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 8:42 pm Post subject: |
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I see, well, I'll take your advice and post Insurrection for now. I'll also try and do a bit of proof reading as well.
Thanks. |
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kabu IRC Channel Operator

Joined: 18 Oct 2008 Posts: 205 Location: Nowhere in particular.
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Posted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 8:44 pm Post subject: |
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Actually, I would ask other people on this site if you should do both stories at once. My opinion tends to be... variable?
By the way, I may have seemed a little harsh in my review but overall I really like both of your stories. _________________
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SeverianofUrth Member

Joined: 09 Aug 2004 Posts: 483 Location: Dumb posts & crap stories
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Posted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 8:52 pm Post subject: |
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| You can post as many stories you want--it's just about how many people will actually read it. And generally, keeping it small facilitates that process. |
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