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Sniper

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 1:11 pm    Post subject: Sniper Reply with quote

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Sniper
Posted by UNSC Trooper (unsctrooper@hotmail.com)
15 June 2009, 6:53 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=UNSC_Trooper0615091853421.html
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kabu
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 5:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The fascists who call themselves the "UNSC" will fall, be it through politics or bloody revolution. Take up arms, my brothers and sisters, and throw off the yoke of oppression! Too long have our worlds been beaten, and throttled, and crushed, and ground into the dirt, slaving away for what? For Earth? What has Earth given us, these past centuries? We plant our crops and make our own goods, what need have we for some overreaching colonial government? I say no more! We will have our freedom, whether I live to see it or not! Down with the UNSC! For freedom!

Ahem.

Anyway, this is great stuff. Filling in gaps in the canon isn't my thing, but you manage to stay really true to the character. Top-notch writing, as usual, both in character and description - everything is vivid and immediate, filled with tension and emotion. And you set up a really cool plotline too. Basically, there really isn't very much criticism to be leveled here. Even if Johnson is acting to uphold a fascist regime of oppression.
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UNSC Trooper
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Location: Overlooking a rebel hideout from an orbiting UEG patrol frigate.

PostPosted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 6:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

kabu wrote:
The fascists who call themselves the "UNSC" will fall, be it through politics or bloody revolution. Take up arms, my brothers and sisters, and throw off the yoke of oppression! Too long have our worlds been beaten, and throttled, and crushed, and ground into the dirt, slaving away for what? For Earth? What has Earth given us, these past centuries? We plant our crops and make our own goods, what need have we for some overreaching colonial government? I say no more! We will have our freedom, whether I live to see it or not! Down with the UNSC! For freedom!



Hehe. Razz

Thanks for the feedback, kabu. Glad you liked it.

Contrary to the "UNSC" in my name, I'm not an avid fan of the UNSC for reasons that range from military strategy to the way they handle colonial business. That's why I'm planning to explore the rebels' side of the Insurrection more thoroughly. They've got some cool things going on in the canon that demand my scrutiny, not just pointless killings and propaganda. Wink
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Arthur Wellesley
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 7:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I assume this was just an introductory piece to a longer series. It served this function splendidly. You laid out the political situation well, and through his actions you did much to build the character of Johnson in a fairly limited space. The main action itself was tense and well described, and you had me thinking that Johnson really wasn't going to pull that trigger. The play you had with morality here - the inherent objectionability of assassinations - was effectively implemented.

You've set up an intriguing array of factions here. The UNSC, the Secessionist Union, Project ORION, the Colonial Militia... oh my! This will surely make for an interesting series.

Well done.

- Arthur
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kr1
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 21, 2009 8:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very interesting stuff here Trooper, I like the backstory you've got going. It's an all-around solid piece, if a little bit short.

There was one rather big problem, though: that's not how the M99 works at all. It's a miniature Gauss canon, more or less, with no explosives involved at all. It's a much smaller round than the Warthog ones, so it'd fuck up a person pretty bad and do decent damage to a vehicle, but not the way you described it there. It's only a problem canon-wise, though, and doesn't detract from the story itself.

Anyways, good work. Wink
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UNSC Trooper
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Location: Overlooking a rebel hideout from an orbiting UEG patrol frigate.

PostPosted: Tue Jun 23, 2009 7:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks, Arthur. Yes, I am actually submitting this as part of a small series with multiple POVs. The story arc isn't too branched, either, which'll make the characters meet at some point.

Took some liberty with the M99 there, kr. Thanks for the feedback. Wink
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