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hboff
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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 Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 8:23 pm Post subject: |
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You're a scary man, Sev.
But you write so good. 
Another good one, I thought, if not a little morbid.
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Phædrus
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| Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 8:46 pm Post subject: |
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Not really a poem, but not a story either. We'll call it a "poetic vignette".
Whatever it is, it wasn't "so terribly amusing," but definitely worth a chuckle. Nice one.  |
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Chuckles
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| Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 10:04 pm Post subject: |
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Reminds me of a line by Daniel Craig in Road to Perdition. Pretty good for a handful of words, but when did you start making things so dark?
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SeverianofUrth
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Joined: 09 Aug 2004
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| Posted: Sat Jun 06, 2009 12:32 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | You're a scary man, Sev.
But you write so good. Very Happy
Another good one, I thought, if not a little morbid. |
Thanks. 
| Quote: | Not really a poem, but not a story either. We'll call it a "poetic vignette".
Whatever it is, it wasn't "so terribly amusing," but definitely worth a chuckle. Nice one. Wink |
The title was actually meant as something along the lines of 'ouch, but I'm loling a bit.' The first few lines--about the Helljumpers and how they all died--was from a story I scrapped.
| Quote: | Reminds me of a line by Daniel Craig in Road to Perdition. Pretty good for a handful of words, but when did you start making things so dark?
C.T. Clown |
Well, I'm not trying to go 'dark' or whatever--these just seem to happen. I actually didn't see it as a very dark piece, more like a little packet of words about the absurdity of their situation. |
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Chuckles
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Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI
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| Posted: Sat Jun 06, 2009 1:24 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Well, I'm not trying to go 'dark' or whatever--these just seem to happen. I actually didn't see it as a very dark piece, more like a little packet of words about the absurdity of their situation. |
I was kidding. You've always been dark. That's why I read you. I'll be doing a proper review of Eating Jackals tonight.
C.T. Clown |
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SeverianofUrth
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| Posted: Sat Jun 06, 2009 1:30 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | I was kidding. You've always been dark. That's why I read you. I'll be doing a proper review of Eating Jackals tonight.
C.T. Clown |
I'm terrible at reading the subtext, or whatever it is called.  |
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fallschirmjager
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Joined: 24 Sep 2004
Posts: 262
Location: The girls bathroom.
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| Posted: Sat Jun 06, 2009 10:16 pm Post subject: |
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| Chuckles wrote: | but when did you start making things so dark?
C.T. Clown |
Sounds like you've got competition, Chuckles.
Very interesting concept.
PS. Fan Fic Pick of the Week Honourable Mention (June 6)
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Xvash2
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| Posted: Thu Jun 11, 2009 5:21 am Post subject: |
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What else can be said?
Brevity is the soul of wit, and that was on display with this piece. No fancy descriptions, no drawn out dialogue, prologue, or epilogue. Just the smallest, most effective lines. |
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Arthur Wellesley
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| Posted: Fri Jun 12, 2009 1:00 am Post subject: |
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I just realized I never commented on this.
Very good, Sev. There is certainly much skill involved in making the few words provided snap as they should. You economized your words well. We get an intro, a rising action, a climax, a falling action, and a conclusion - all in less than one hundred words. As a demonstration of creative skill?
Excellent, as usual.
- Arthur
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Current Project: Vestal Flame. Current Word Count: 27,017
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SeverianofUrth
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| Posted: Fri Jun 12, 2009 5:44 am Post subject: |
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| thanks guys |
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kr1
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Joined: 27 Feb 2007
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Location: UNSC Frigate September
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| Posted: Fri Jun 12, 2009 11:27 am Post subject: |
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Short and sweet, Sev. So terribly depressing, and I've got an image in my head of Command just laughing his ass off, the troops starting up nervously but eventually in full swing. Great work.
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