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Eating Jackals
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri May 29, 2009 1:15 pm    Post subject: Eating Jackals Reply with quote

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Eating Jackals
Posted by SeverianofUrth
29 May 2009, 8:50 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=SeverianofUr0529090850331.html
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SeverianofUrth
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PostPosted: Fri May 29, 2009 3:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Author's Note: I had to resist the temptation to name the protagonist Michael Vick. But I'm not writing social commentary or anything.

This originally started out as a entry for the Reveille project, but a paragraph in, I gave up out of laziness. It took a burst of writing, fueled by boredom and insomnia, to get this done. Hopefully, everything stayed within the bounds of good taste.

Thanks for reading.


Last edited by SeverianofUrth on Fri May 29, 2009 8:21 pm; edited 1 time in total
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eb4642
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PostPosted: Fri May 29, 2009 4:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm... a touch pessimistic, as is the vogue in science fiction these days, but it was very good. And I liked the open ending.
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SeverianofUrth
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PostPosted: Fri May 29, 2009 8:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

eb4642 wrote:
Hmm... a touch pessimistic, as is the vogue in science fiction these days, but it was very good. And I liked the open ending.


Thanks. Smile

Not quite sure about the open ending, though. Seems rather obvious to me just what will happen.
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eb4642
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PostPosted: Fri May 29, 2009 8:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Exactly.

There are some things that are best left to the imagination. For example, a giant flying china teapot could suddenly explode in the vicinity, tearing all the Jackals to shreds... unlikely, but possible.
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Fri May 29, 2009 9:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great one, Sev. Very Happy
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The 14th Wonder
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PostPosted: Sat May 30, 2009 4:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am really in love with your style, and you're crankin out the stories as of late.

You're stuff is so different from my stuff, but I have this odd love for it. I really like your way with dialogue. And you have really, really good mastery of tone. Honestly, I can't think of many things that have their tone set as well as your pieces always do.

It was fun getting into Matt's head. And if I interpreted it correctly, was he "thinking thoughts" based on teeth?. See, it's the little things like that that give your stories a wonderful uniqueness that makes your already solid style completely your own.

Overall, I just always enjoy your stuff, no matter how pessimistic, gross, or out of my element it is.

While we're talking about mangoes, indents would've been nice.
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kr1
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PostPosted: Sat May 30, 2009 11:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very nice stuff, Sev. I kind of wish the Jackals had spent a bit more time with Matt, but I liked it. Very neat idea, too. Was planning something kinda similar for later in Scoop.

And who says we can't use this for Reveille? It'd work great. Wink
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SeverianofUrth
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PostPosted: Sun May 31, 2009 12:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
While we're talking about mangoes, indents would've been nice.


Meh, got lazy. Thanks. Laughing

Quote:
And who says we can't use this for Reveille? It'd work great. Wink


Hmm, maybe dump both Of (Some) Consequence and Eating Jackals as two slice-of-life stories in between some novella-sized monstrosities? I like that.
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thedarkfire
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PostPosted: Sun May 31, 2009 12:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I gotta say Sev, you always manage to come up with some crazy ideas. Truly, I loved this one.
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kabu
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PostPosted: Sun May 31, 2009 3:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear god. What the hell is wrong with you, sev?

...

I love this story. So awesome.
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SeverianofUrth
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PostPosted: Sun May 31, 2009 10:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
I gotta say Sev, you always manage to come up with some crazy ideas. Truly, I loved this one.


Glad you enjoyed it--and nice to see you posting, even if for just a bit.

Quote:
Dear god. What the hell is wrong with you, sev?

...

I love this story. So awesome.


Nothing is wrong with me... asides from a very stressful week. Thanks.
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Arthur Wellesley
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 3:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another written testament to what I can only assume is a profoundly disturbed mind, Sev. Great work.

You come up with a seemingly endless supply of unique ideas. You take what we know from canon, you twist it unrecognizably, and end up with something entirely original and fascinating. A Jackal fighting ring? I couldn't help but think as I read it: of course! That makes perfect sense. That's exactly what would happen. Humans scouring the earth for Jackal survivors to have them tear into each other, partly for entertainment, partly for revenge. Only a talented author could take such an off the wall idea and make it seem so rational. A big part of that was the great supply of little details - the rigging, the ceremony of it, the Jackals' victory stance - that made this seem like a real event.

This had a great ending. I thought the attack came on a little fast, but a fresh supply of little details, such as my favorite:

Quote:
Surrounded. A fucking hound dog sniper corps.


really brought the terror of the situation to life.

You have a great style, Sev. It veers from surrealism to gritty realism without ever skipping a beat or seeming forced. Like Chuckles, I'd love to see you apply this style to a longer series, with more fully realized characters. These vignettes are highly entertaining and oddly insightful, but they always leave me wanting more.

Anyway, great read as usual, Sev.

- Arthur
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Phædrus
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 4:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Heavy shit, man. I like. I... Actually don't have anything to bitch about. Wait! There's one thing. The part about the watch was a tad confusing. I had to read it twice to get what was going on. Some of your wording could have been a little better there.

Altogether, though, this is great, classic Sev. Well done.
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SeverianofUrth
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 4:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
You have a great style, Sev. It veers from surrealism to gritty realism without ever skipping a beat or seeming forced. Like Chuckles, I'd love to see you apply this style to a longer series, with more fully realized characters. These vignettes are highly entertaining and oddly insightful, but they always leave me wanting more.


Huh. I'll give it a shot, I guess. Seeing that wordcount go up on your Vestal Sins is kinda intimidating, however. Laughing



Phædrus wrote:
Heavy shit, man. I like. I... Actually don't have anything to bitch about. Wait! There's one thing. The part about the watch was a tad confusing. I had to read it twice to get what was going on. Some of your wording could have been a little better there.

Altogether, though, this is great, classic Sev. Well done.


Awesome, thanks.
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