HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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Eating Jackals
Posted by SeverianofUrth
29 May 2009, 8:50 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=SeverianofUr0529090850331.html

SeverianofUrth · Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 3:51 pm Post subject:

Author's Note: I had to resist the temptation to name the protagonist Michael Vick. But I'm not writing social commentary or anything.

This originally started out as a entry for the Reveille project, but a paragraph in, I gave up out of laziness. It took a burst of writing, fueled by boredom and insomnia, to get this done. Hopefully, everything stayed within the bounds of good taste.

Thanks for reading.

eb4642 · Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 4:03 pm Post subject:

Hmm... a touch pessimistic, as is the vogue in science fiction these days, but it was very good. And I liked the open ending.
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The Elitist Bastard | Writing is the business of professional turd-polishing.
"(don't take this review too seriously) If you doubt this is possible, how is it there are PYGMIES + DWARFS??"

SeverianofUrth · Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 8:19 pm Post subject:

eb4642 · Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 8:56 pm Post subject:

Exactly.

There are some things that are best left to the imagination. For example, a giant flying china teapot could suddenly explode in the vicinity, tearing all the Jackals to shreds... unlikely, but possible.
_________________
The Elitist Bastard | Writing is the business of professional turd-polishing.
"(don't take this review too seriously) If you doubt this is possible, how is it there are PYGMIES + DWARFS??"

(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher · Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 9:27 pm Post subject:

Great one, Sev. Very Happy

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"My appreciation for being quoted is being masked by my distaste for your incompetence, Gallagher" - Shrumertaor
Idea, Plot, Character, and Forum Signatures

The 14th Wonder · Member Joined: 31 May 2008 Posts: 35 Location: wat

I am really in love with your style, and you're crankin out the stories as of late.

You're stuff is so different from my stuff, but I have this odd love for it. I really like your way with dialogue. And you have really, really good mastery of tone. Honestly, I can't think of many things that have their tone set as well as your pieces always do.

It was fun getting into Matt's head. And if I interpreted it correctly, was he "thinking thoughts" based on teeth?. See, it's the little things like that that give your stories a wonderful uniqueness that makes your already solid style completely your own.

Overall, I just always enjoy your stuff, no matter how pessimistic, gross, or out of my element it is.

While we're talking about mangoes, indents would've been nice.

kr1 · Posted: Sat May 30, 2009 11:07 pm Post subject:

Very nice stuff, Sev. I kind of wish the Jackals had spent a bit more time with Matt, but I liked it. Very neat idea, too. Was planning something kinda similar for later in Scoop.

And who says we can't use this for Reveille? It'd work great. Wink

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SeverianofUrth · Posted: Sun May 31, 2009 12:23 am Post subject:

thedarkfire · Posted: Sun May 31, 2009 12:25 am Post subject:

I gotta say Sev, you always manage to come up with some crazy ideas. Truly, I loved this one.

kabu · Posted: Sun May 31, 2009 3:25 pm Post subject:

Dear god. What the hell is wrong with you, sev?

...

I love this story. So awesome.
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SeverianofUrth · Posted: Sun May 31, 2009 10:27 pm Post subject:

Arthur Wellesley · Member Joined: 30 Jun 2006 Posts: 306 Location: Canada

Another written testament to what I can only assume is a profoundly disturbed mind, Sev. Great work.

You come up with a seemingly endless supply of unique ideas. You take what we know from canon, you twist it unrecognizably, and end up with something entirely original and fascinating. A Jackal fighting ring? I couldn't help but think as I read it: of course! That makes perfect sense. That's exactly what would happen. Humans scouring the earth for Jackal survivors to have them tear into each other, partly for entertainment, partly for revenge. Only a talented author could take such an off the wall idea and make it seem so rational. A big part of that was the great supply of little details - the rigging, the ceremony of it, the Jackals' victory stance - that made this seem like a real event.

This had a great ending. I thought the attack came on a little fast, but a fresh supply of little details, such as my favorite:

Phædrus · Posted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 4:56 pm Post subject:

Heavy shit, man. I like. I... Actually don't have anything to bitch about. Wait! There's one thing. The part about the watch was a tad confusing. I had to read it twice to get what was going on. Some of your wording could have been a little better there.

Altogether, though, this is great, classic Sev. Well done.

SeverianofUrth · Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 4:27 am Post subject: