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No Place For Heroes; Ch 2: High Ho. High Ho. Its off to work

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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4351

Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 1:14 pm Post subject: No Place For Heroes; Ch 2: High Ho. High Ho. Its off to work

This topic is for posting comments to: No Place For Heroes; Ch 2: High Ho. High Ho. Its off to work we go. Posted by DevilsInject (mj-power@hotmail.com) 27 May 2009, 11:55 pm http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=DevilsInject0527092355451.html

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UNSC Trooper
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Joined: 11 Jul 2007
Posts: 85
Location: Overlooking a rebel hideout from an orbiting UEG patrol frigate.

Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 4:02 pm Post subject:

Reply with quote

Lots of in-your-face GPS errors. You don't capitalize, you don't add apostrophes, and you don't punctuate your sentences properly.

Quote:

"Those fucking bastards!" Yelled Pete,

"Yelled" should be lowercase.

Quote:

"Well your no help!"

Quote:

"What the fuck are you laughin' at you pikey?"

I also found the guy's constant yelling a bit annoying. Your story's not bad, but your format is horrible at times.

Keep writing!

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