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Walking in a Winter Wonderland - A 'Bad Days' Story

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri May 15, 2009 12:46 pm    Post subject: Walking in a Winter Wonderland - A 'Bad Days' Story Reply with quote

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Walking in a Winter Wonderland - A 'Bad Days' Story
Posted by kabu (will36@gmail.com)
15 May 2009, 3:16 am

Note from kabu:
Quote:
Thanks to kr for the title and to Phædrus for inspiring the microwave thing.


http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=kabu0515090316081.html
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SeverianofUrth
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PostPosted: Fri May 15, 2009 5:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
"Knitting a scarf for Gabe, here." Kendal pulled a pair of frightening metal needles out and started to poke at the blue yarn.


It's almost like he's... nevermind.

Great chapter as always. This is always a nice story to read on a Friday morning with a cup of coffee and some old pizza.
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PostPosted: Fri May 15, 2009 11:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

SeverianofUrth wrote:
This is always a nice story to read on a Friday morning with a cup of coffee and some old pizza.


I honestly have no idea if that was meant as a compliment, an insult, a joke, or all three at once. Edit: Razz

So I'm trying to get a bit more focus on the other members of the squad. Isaac gets lost in his head so much that I needed to give a bit of dialogue between Charles and Gabe to get that done.
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Jake Trommer
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PostPosted: Sat May 16, 2009 1:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aquilae? I see what you did there...
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PostPosted: Sat May 16, 2009 1:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
I honestly have no idea if that was meant as a compliment, an insult, a joke, or all three at once.

wut? I read the news and two or three blogs right after I wake up, and it was nice seeing this as well. It's always a fun read, hence my pleasure at being able to read it in the morning. Don't know why you thought it was an insult.
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PostPosted: Sat May 16, 2009 1:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jake Trommer wrote:
Aquilae? I see what you did there...


Actually, no, I'm almost certain you don't. I established the setting on Alpha Aquilae in my fourth or fifth story, a few months ago. I had already mentioned that the sun was "blue-white," so I needed a star that was a) close to Earth and Reach, and b) not mentioned anywhere in the Halo canon and c) a blue star that was not a supergiant. Alpha Aquilae, commonly known as Altair, is 16.77 light years from Earth, and a little trigonometry puts it at 23.3 light years from Epsilon Eridani (Reach), well within human territory. It is on the HabCat list of possible habitable stars near Earth as well. The surface temperature of the star is a little on the high side, and a large amount of ultraviolet radiation means that it is unlikely that very complex life could have evolved there, but that's no problem for terraforming. Altair was the best possible match, and I liked the fluid sound of "Alpha Aquilae."

Yes, I am this obsessed with detail. So sue me. Razz
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PostPosted: Sat May 16, 2009 1:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

SeverianofUrth wrote:
Quote:
I honestly have no idea if that was meant as a compliment, an insult, a joke, or all three at once.

wut? I read the news and two or three blogs right after I wake up, and it was nice seeing this as well. It's always a fun read, hence my pleasure at being able to read it in the morning. Don't know why you thought it was an insult.


I forgot to add a smiley to the end of the sentence. Whoops. I know what you meant Razz
(I was talking about associating my story with leftover pizza. Seriously, you eat old pizza for breakfast? Urgh Razz )
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Jake Trommer
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PostPosted: Sat May 16, 2009 1:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

kabu wrote:
Jake Trommer wrote:
Aquilae? I see what you did there...


Actually, no, I'm almost certain you don't. I established the setting on Alpha Aquilae in my fourth or fifth story, a few months ago. I had already mentioned that the sun was "blue-white," so I needed a star that was a) close to Earth and Reach, and b) not mentioned anywhere in the Halo canon and c) a blue star that was not a supergiant. Alpha Aquilae, commonly known as Altair, is 16.77 light years from Earth, and a little trigonometry puts it at 23.3 light years from Epsilon Eridani (Reach), well within human territory. It is on the HabCat list of possible habitable stars near Earth as well. The surface temperature of the star is a little on the high side, and a large amount of ultraviolet radiation means that it is unlikely that very complex life could have evolved there, but that's no problem for terraforming. Altair was the best possible match, and I liked the fluid sound of "Alpha Aquilae."

Yes, I am this obsessed with detail. So sue me. Razz

Oh...I thought you pulled that from what Alderaan was originally supposed to be named...
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PostPosted: Sat May 16, 2009 2:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ohhhh I see. One reason I like it comes from Forbidden Planet, which was an awesome old '50s sci-fi film. I didn't actually realize until after I submitted it, but I was happy with it anyway.


Edit: Oh, and until Dave adds it to the top: Thanks to kr for the title and to Phædrus for inspiring the boiling water thing.
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PostPosted: Sat May 16, 2009 4:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Heehee, a good time as always, Kabu. I liked the idea of the Hunters suffering like that in the cold; it had never occurred to me, but I think you're right that they probably wouldn't be found very often in usually cold environments.

I think you've got me licked this week.
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PostPosted: Sun May 17, 2009 7:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

CaptainRaspberry wrote:

I think you've got me licked this week.


...Apparently not :/
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Sun May 17, 2009 7:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Loved it, kabu. The humor, the characterization, all of it. Bam. There.

Good job, mate. Very Happy

EDIT: Wait, I had the right thread.
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Phædrus
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PostPosted: Sun May 17, 2009 2:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So that's why the hunters in AotCR were so pissed off. Wink

I liked it. Even with the change in style, I liked it. Though you've abandoned the "one-gag-per-line" format, there were still several "lol" moments, including the AI playing cards and the scene with the tree. I also enjoyed the reference. Wink


Overall, nothing to complain about and a lot to praise. Two thumbs up.
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PostPosted: Wed May 20, 2009 4:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kabu, I feel like with every installment, you get even better. Which is saying a lot, because you've been impressive since your first entry. Yet with each new chapter, you get more comfortable with your style and more familiar with your characters. As a reader, it's really awesome to see.

I wrote previously that "Never Bring a Gun to a Pillow Fight" was your finest piece yet, and I'm not sure this supplants it, however close it comes. This was a little more cerebral and dark than most of your work. The card game at the beginning had a touch of warmth and fun about it, at its core it was really pretty depressing. The chips they used, their excitement over tea leaves, Isaac scalding himself and having nothing else to do but shove his burn under freezing water... these guys are really living misery. Even Isaac's internalized rage, while maintaining a humorous tone, nonetheless conveyed an impotent rage that I know to be particularly frustrating. This scene, by the way, was exceptionally well written, and was a fantastic setting for some great character exposition.

The scene with the Hunters in the forest was also very well done, capturing the surreal aspect of your action sequences very effectively. The forest was beautifully described (I'm guessing, perhaps, from personal experiences). Their dispatching of the monsters had a hint of slapstick while still conveying some genuine terror. Great scene.

You're venturing a little further from Isaac each time while still keeping him the central character, which I think can only be a strength. You're flexing your creative muscles with some interesting supporting characters, and you're placing Isaac within a broader context. Nice work.

My only complaint is a familiar one. I thought that a couple of times the humor was just off:

Quote:
All through the forest, not a creature was stirring, not even a... a... something that rhymes with 'forest.'


Quote:
I needed a plan. Failing that, I needed a half-assed attempt at a plan.


Your humor works best when it is inherent to the writing or the situations. These attempts at overt humor come across as forced and unnecessary, not to mention clunky in terms of flow. You have to have confidence in your ability to make us laugh without resorting to lines like these. The slightly darker tone of this chapter didn't really call for them anyway.

Great stuff, kabu. You're an eminently readable author.

- Arthur
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PostPosted: Wed May 20, 2009 5:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Arthur Wellesley wrote:

Your humor works best when it is inherent to the writing or the situations. These attempts at overt humor come across as forced and unnecessary, not to mention clunky in terms of flow. You have to have confidence in your ability to make us laugh without resorting to lines like these. The slightly darker tone of this chapter didn't really call for them anyway.

Great stuff, kabu. You're an eminently readable author.

- Arthur


This is the advice that I have really been taking to heart, lately. When I read my older stuff, I tend to groan a bit at the silly puns. I've mentioned before, situational humor, however bizzare, adds a lot more to my writing. For some reason, I can never resist adding a few silly puns, though. Treat it like quitting cigarettes - just one more today, just one more. Okay, two more.
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