HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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Attack on Installation 06, part 20
Posted by Jake Trommer (wedgefan@comcast.net)
15 May 2009, 12:10 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Jake_Trommer0515090010031.html

UNSC Trooper · Posted: Fri May 15, 2009 7:40 pm Post subject:

Your actions scenes flow really well, Jake. I've been reading your last few chapters and it seems you got a very good grip on action. While I understand these chapters are probably meant to be short, a little more character conflicts wouldn't hurt.

I also liked the little reference to Foehammer in there.

It's little snippets like these that make the series tie in to the Combat Evolved feeling.

Good work! Smile

Jake Trommer · Posted: Fri May 15, 2009 8:02 pm Post subject:

I'm trying to do my best with the character stuff; school doesn't give me much time to write. My thing with Shilds and Hocus was intended to be the character drama of the day. Razz

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Sir Isaac Newton is the DEADLIEST SON OF A BITCH IN SPACE!

kabu · Posted: Fri May 15, 2009 10:49 pm Post subject:

WRITE MORE. By the Lords of Kobol, these chapters are short. Just smash them together, or something Razz

.

ANYWAY, this is really good. Not, in my opinion, quite as good as the last few, but still really good. The action gets a little muddled, but I think you are really good at the character stuffs. You make us care and worry about Shilds and Hocus.

Sorry for the short review, but I have very little brain function at the moment.
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