 |
HBO Fan Fiction
Forum for HBO Fan Fiction Related Stuff
|
| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
hboff
Site Admin
Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4351
|
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
kabu
IRC Channel Operator
Joined: 18 Oct 2008
Posts: 205
Location: Nowhere in particular.
|
 Posted: Fri May 08, 2009 5:00 pm Post subject: |
 |
|
Excellent, as usual, and quite a bitv longerbthan the last one.
Writing the Chief is always hard, seeing as he has no actual personality, but you pull it off. I mean seriously, what does Cortana see in the guy?
I especially like how the traditional "let's go ladies" line backfires 
Sorry for the brief review, but I'm a bit pressed for time.
_________________
 |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
kr1
IRC Channel Operator
Joined: 27 Feb 2007
Posts: 436
Location: UNSC Frigate September
|
| Posted: Fri May 08, 2009 9:25 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Good work, Jake. I'm enjoying Hocus as a character more than I ever did in the third game. And I liked the ODST, Adrian, making an appearance. Nice inter-story continuity there, coming from another big self-referencer. 
The meeting between the Chief and Cortana almost seemed a little too short, but it still worked well. I liked Stacker picking up on his change.
And another cliffhanger!
_________________
 |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Jake Trommer
Member
Joined: 22 Jun 2008
Posts: 63
Location: An express elevator to Hell, going down
|
| Posted: Fri May 08, 2009 10:49 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Quote: | | Good work, Jake. I'm enjoying Hocus as a character more than I ever did in the third game. And I liked the ODST, Adrian, making an appearance. Nice inter-story continuity there, coming from another big self-referencer. Razz |
Well, that's not saying much, she wasn't much of a character in Halo 3. 
And, yeah, I did think it was time for Adrian to return, seeing as how I replayed Half-Life Opposing Force last weekend.
| Quote: |
Sorry for the brief review, but I'm a bit pressed for time. |
It's all good Kabu, so long as you post a decent-sized on eventually.
_________________
Sir Isaac Newton is the DEADLIEST SON OF A BITCH IN SPACE!
 |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
kr1
IRC Channel Operator
Joined: 27 Feb 2007
Posts: 436
Location: UNSC Frigate September
|
| Posted: Fri May 08, 2009 10:54 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Jake Trommer wrote: |
Well, that's not saying much, she wasn't much of a character in Halo 3. |
True, Jake, but that's where your talents lie: taking side characters from the games and giving them personality that fits with the game but at the same time makes them your own characters. I know I've told you that before, but that's one of the things I like most about this series.
_________________
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
kabu
IRC Channel Operator
Joined: 18 Oct 2008
Posts: 205
Location: Nowhere in particular.
|
| Posted: Sat May 09, 2009 1:36 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Jake Trommer wrote: | | It's all good Kabu, so long as you post a decent-sized on eventually. |
Well, if you insist.
To be honest, there isn't all that much to say. Your chapters are tight, with great flow and entertaining characters and are WAY TOO SHORT. Yes, it was a bit longer than last time, but come on now. You're killing me with these cliffhangers!
A few more bits:
I think you made a really good choice with presenting the Chief from someone else's POV. I think we can actually get a better look at his character through how other soldiers react to him, and the changes they noticed. kr mentioned Stacker picking up on the Chief's emotions, stuff like that.
Also, almost none of your characters are just names. Everyone has a face behind them.
I will write more once you write more .
_________________
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group
|
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Usergroups
Register
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
