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Attack on Installation 06, part 19

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri May 08, 2009 11:27 am    Post subject: Attack on Installation 06, part 19 Reply with quote

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Attack on Installation 06, part 19
Posted by Jake Trommer (wedgefan@comcast.net)
5 May 2009, 10:30 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Jake_Trommer0505092230151.html
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kabu
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PostPosted: Fri May 08, 2009 5:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Excellent, as usual, and quite a bitv longerbthan the last one.

Writing the Chief is always hard, seeing as he has no actual personality, but you pull it off. I mean seriously, what does Cortana see in the guy?

I especially like how the traditional "let's go ladies" line backfires Laughing

Sorry for the brief review, but I'm a bit pressed for time.
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kr1
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PostPosted: Fri May 08, 2009 9:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good work, Jake. I'm enjoying Hocus as a character more than I ever did in the third game. And I liked the ODST, Adrian, making an appearance. Nice inter-story continuity there, coming from another big self-referencer. Razz

The meeting between the Chief and Cortana almost seemed a little too short, but it still worked well. I liked Stacker picking up on his change.

And another cliffhanger! Razz
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Jake Trommer
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PostPosted: Fri May 08, 2009 10:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Good work, Jake. I'm enjoying Hocus as a character more than I ever did in the third game. And I liked the ODST, Adrian, making an appearance. Nice inter-story continuity there, coming from another big self-referencer. Razz

Well, that's not saying much, she wasn't much of a character in Halo 3. Wink

And, yeah, I did think it was time for Adrian to return, seeing as how I replayed Half-Life Opposing Force last weekend. Razz

Quote:

Sorry for the brief review, but I'm a bit pressed for time.

It's all good Kabu, so long as you post a decent-sized on eventually. Razz
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kr1
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PostPosted: Fri May 08, 2009 10:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jake Trommer wrote:

Well, that's not saying much, she wasn't much of a character in Halo 3. Wink


True, Jake, but that's where your talents lie: taking side characters from the games and giving them personality that fits with the game but at the same time makes them your own characters. I know I've told you that before, but that's one of the things I like most about this series.
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kabu
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PostPosted: Sat May 09, 2009 1:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jake Trommer wrote:
It's all good Kabu, so long as you post a decent-sized on eventually. Razz


Well, if you insist.

To be honest, there isn't all that much to say. Your chapters are tight, with great flow and entertaining characters and are WAY TOO SHORT. Yes, it was a bit longer than last time, but come on now. You're killing me with these cliffhangers!

A few more bits:
I think you made a really good choice with presenting the Chief from someone else's POV. I think we can actually get a better look at his character through how other soldiers react to him, and the changes they noticed. kr mentioned Stacker picking up on the Chief's emotions, stuff like that.

Also, almost none of your characters are just names. Everyone has a face behind them.

I will write more once you write more Razz .
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