HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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Ghosts of Erebus (part four): Tale of Two Tortures
Posted by Chuckles
6 December 2004, 10:11 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=chuckles.1206041011554.html

Chuckles · Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 10:05 pm Post subject:

The description of Chuckles' face is a slightly tweaked version of the description I gave in my story Though This Be Madness. I meant to put a disclaimer at the beginning, but forgot. I never repeat material, unless I note it.

The torture sequence at the end is not for the weak at heart. Let me know what you thought of it. I tried to be hard hitting without being too gory.

C.T. Clown

MC's Cousin · Mr. 1337 Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.

Well, I think that in some ways the Spartans sound a little too unprofessional. But, your stroyline allows for that. Still...
That decription of Chuckle's face was a little odd. But, it lent itself to the name of the character.
That guy at the end kinda changed from "Nope. Not gonna tell." to "Oh crap, don't hurt me anymore!" real quick. Or so it seemed. As for the gory level. Anyone who couldn't take that has apparently not gotten out much. I thought that you used about the right amount of censoring detail. Though, I wouldn't have minded more.
You kept the secret of the box pretty secure, too. Reminds me of Tom Clancy and how he mentions plans an such... but then never tell you until the final moment.

Overall, I was too busy getting into the story to really notice any major mistakes. A couple things here and there, but, great job overall. Keep it up.
Oh, I almost forgot. That went by a little too fast. That, or I just wanted to keep reading.
_________________
-MCC

Chuckles · Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 10:39 pm Post subject:

It was nearly 2300 words long. A lot of dialogue can make it seem quick. That torture technique was actually used on at least one poor devil that I read about who didn't want to turn Catholic in the Middle Ages. By the time Sagus cracked he would have been out of his mind with pain. Plus, getting your temples crushed will give you some brain damage.

The description of Chuckles' face is deliberately over the top. And like you said, it fits his character. If you look at the original version in Though This Be Madness you'll see that I actually toned it down a bit. Instead of this version in Tale of Two Tortures:

SYSTEM · Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 10:50 pm Post subject:

Man! The beginning was enough to make me shiver!

Awesome work, Chuckles, keep it up.

This one's to the Fridge Door... (No surprise.)

- Dave.

MC's Cousin · Mr. 1337 Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.

Well, I wasn't kidding. Somehow Clancy manages to elicit more of a feeling for the plan that makes you feel like you don't need to know (part of the characters) but that still annoys you.
This didn't annoy me, and I still wanted to know. So, you did well.

Ah, yes, I can remember many times when something like "And he went over his plan with the General" or something like that was mentioned. All the time. Good stuff though. I'm still reading it.
_________________
-MCC

(Na)Marl · Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 10:55 pm Post subject:

--Man, Chuckles, that was good. You can dish out some terror and pain when you want, man. Keep it up.
--Then end part . . . for some reason I couldn't picture the torture object, but it, well, it would have sucked to be the victom of that thing.
--Anywho, do you mind if I advertise my next story on my next post, like give off the title of the next Spartans Five and some changes. Also, would I have to post it under Gold Elite to continue?

(Na)Marl · Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 10:56 pm Post subject:

-Wow. Not even a friggin minute that time. THAT WAS AWSOME MCC!!

MC's Cousin · Mr. 1337 Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.

I have a lot of practice.
_________________
-MCC

Syotica · Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 10:59 pm Post subject:

Hoho, that was scary! Great work!

Chuckles · Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 12:43 am Post subject:

MC's Cousin · Mr. 1337 Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.

I felt it, but, I have learnt to not let that kind of thing get to me. Thought, I have been hit in the temple plenty of times, and thinking about it, I would start talking (or foaming at the mouth) about after a couple hits. That's if I couldn't fight back; which, of course, you can't do in torture. I did think the whole "don't let him pass out" thing was pretty terrible. Crazy goons.
_________________
-MCC

(Na)Marl · Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 5:19 am Post subject:

--When I read the part I pressed on my temples hard to see how bad that would hurt. I wonder why that last unquote was there. I some times get the same problem when I quote something.

(Na)Marl · Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 6:17 am Post subject:

--Ackerson Files. Pt. 1
--Check it out, Chuckles. I don't really think you'll be too happy, but have mercy on his soul. No middle age torture devices.

Chuckles · Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 7:03 am Post subject:

(NA)Marl

He did ask my permission. I told him that he could use Chuckles as long as he kept him in character. Whether he kept him in character or not, I'll have to see.

C.T. Clown