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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:29 am    Post subject: Untitled: 4 Reply with quote

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Untitled: 4
Posted by vector40 (brandon@berkeleyhigh.org)
6 December 2004, 8:05 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=vector40.1206040805341.html
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Jamirus99
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Joined: 24 Oct 2004
Posts: 6

PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 10:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well....I'll be the first to say that I "give a damn" about you and your stories. When I stumbled into HBO for the first time it really mattered, it was Decmber of 2001....and you're right, it really was a cozy place. I had found HBO before Halo became "big," by simply searching Google for a site that could tell me a bit more about Halo's storyline. (I did not have the game yet, but, having played it, had been really impressed with the story.)

So, in a way, I get where you're coming from; I understand how you faded from Fan Fiction, as I disappeared much in the same way. I went from being a reader of your works, (and the works of people like Tycho and Nike) to being a writer, to being a critic, watching people like FrensaGeran and CoLd BlooDed rise to their own literary heights. And now, I barely visit Fan Fiction at all.

But, I digress....to get back on topic, your story drew me in. And what a story it is! Unfinished or not, this has the most potential of any story I've ever read. That's not just words on a page; I was instantly sucked in to the intrigue of your characters, wondering what other ops Angus and Catherine had done; where they had traveled; how they had gotten in trouble and were "living on borrowed time." Maybe the answers were in there and I missed them...but the true skill of a writer is shown when that writer is able to hint at a vaster history for a character than a book's (or story's) pages cannot hold, and by Jove, you did it.

So congrats....whether or not you finish the story. I myself have a written work unfinished...while it would never appear on HBO were it finished, I know how hard it can be to pick up an old project, know matter how much it weighs on your mind; Kudos for that as well.

Well written and well done.

-Jam
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Berconius
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Joined: 15 Aug 2004
Posts: 160
Location: New York/Ohio

PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

When you were doing most of your posting, I hadn't been very big on reading fanfiction. I didn't really notice the link to it from the front page until I saw one of those posts that you talked about. The ones that Louis would make about what's new. It was no more then 3 or 4 stories, usually, but they were interesting bits. I remember finally clicking on one and reading the tail end of Wado's Shadows of the Archon II. After that, I couldn't stop for a long while.

When I did stop reading, it was for a long time. I didn't even recognize the names when I came back. Somewhere in there, el halo diablo went away, and I miss his work. But enough blogging.

The first thing that struck when I got about half way through chapter 2 was that this smelled heavily of Frank Herbert's quality. The society and people you came up with, the depth of the characters, and the skill that you tell the story with reminded me immediately of how I felt about the Lady Jessica and the Duke Leto Atreides from Dune. These are characters that you cast in a way that makes me really want to know more about them.

Beyond your protagonists, the setting is worth a good mention. The fact that you went through the trouble of creating this world with its own economic structure, and social normalities is impressive. Again, I am thrown back to how I felt about Dune. You pretty much created a world for us to explore through your characters.

The structure of your writing is also very nice. There's no sense of "trying" with it. It just flows and reveals more about itself without either dragging on or skipping ahead. Bravo.

Whatever comes of this, it is writing that strikes me like a frying pan to the forehead. In a good sort of way.

Cheers to you, vector40!

PS. I think you're the one to have written those articles on Banshee piloting, right? Very good articles. Especially the one on how to deal with winning.
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vector40
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 19

PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 5:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Berconius wrote:
PS. I think you're the one to have written those articles on Banshee piloting, right? Very good articles. Especially the one on how to deal with winning.


That was me. Glad you enjoyed them.
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CYBRFRK
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Joined: 08 Dec 2004
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 6:01 pm    Post subject: Wow... Reply with quote

Well written, excellent language, perfect dialog and imagery that paints a vivid picture in my minds eye. All this and only a high school student. Most authors I read do not have you talent.

On a selfish note: I want more.

Keep it up.
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 2142
Location: Here.

PostPosted: Sat Dec 11, 2004 3:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bravo. You get my whole hearted appause on this one. Good to see some old but familiar faces here, too.
Myself, I suppose I felt a little Dune in there. Also, though, it had a feeling of something old. An older time; not as modern an futuristic as I would have thought something in Halo woulnd be. Star Wars, too. I got an RPG-ish type of feeling while on the planet. I liked it.
While some readers may not appreciate good emotion, you did very well. Making us actually care about what happened to them, and not just read on knowing that they were just fictional. Now, I wasn't as attached as I got with John Kelly in Without Remorse (Tom Clancy); but that may be because this wasn't very long.
After reading the whole thing, I was left with a feeling that I was missing something. Like there was much more out there to be found. You have anough material in there for a small to medium novel, were you to flesh things out. Like you have your very own galaxy of action within the whole universe that we know is Halo.

This may not be finished, nothing ever is, but I think you have a great "start."
Thankfully, you left it fairly tied up, but still left the door unlocked.

I'll be waiting for when you get your next "draft" out. I wish you would write here more often. Fairwell for now (for this post, I mean).
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Zeta
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 17
Location: Oregon (Not pronounced "Oreegawn")

PostPosted: Sat Dec 11, 2004 7:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I had no idea you were a writer, Vec. This was incredible. The characters are very believeable, and very human, which I think was your ultimate goal. I love stories like this one, stories that don't strictly follow the Halo story, yet still adhere to the rules of the Halo universe.

I look foreword to the next chapter, should you continue it.
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vector40
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 19

PostPosted: Sun Dec 12, 2004 2:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice to have you reading, Zeta.

MCC: Interesting that this segment was your favorite, since it's the shortest and composed of little more than internal character development. Which "old but familiar faces" did you mean?

The idea of writing a short story that tells of a discrete set of events but alludes to a much grander arena is SOP for me; you'll see it in most of my work. Fan fiction, of course, can potentially make this several notches easier -- since that larger universe may actually have been BUILT already, you can refer to something that really exists, rather than pretending it does and letting the reader's imagination twist the threads. I prefer the latter even in the case of fan fiction, which is why my stories bear so little commonality with the standard Halo story, but it's the same kind of thing either way...
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 12, 2004 2:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

vector40 wrote:
Which "old but familiar faces" did you mean?

I was simply refering to people like Berconius and Jamirus that I don't often see comment anymore. It's nice to know that people like them (and you) are still around and watching. Takes me back to the "old days" a little.
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 12, 2004 2:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow...vector, I remember when you first posted your story, and...well...this was good.
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Jamirus99
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Joined: 24 Oct 2004
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 15, 2004 9:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I pos(t)ed my thoughts here about the entire series, because I read it through in one go...didn't even realize the stories had seperate pages for comment until later.

In any case, glad to see somebody remembers me around here...lost but not forgotten!
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thedarkfire
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Joined: 03 Aug 2004
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Location: Thousand post land. Oh look! A pidgeon!

PostPosted: Thu Dec 16, 2004 12:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well vector, this whole series was absolutly wonderful; except for one minor but slightly annoying detail. In your last really big paragraph, I felt like your last bit of dialoug (Don't mind the spelling) was still from the three years ago time. After that paragraph I felt the flow just break for me.

But God do I want more of this story!
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