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hboff
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:29 am    Post subject: Untitled: 3 Reply with quote

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Untitled: 3
Posted by vector40 (brandon@berkeleyhigh.org)
6 December 2004, 8:04 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=vector40.1206040804531.html
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 10, 2004 10:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Still think you should add more environmental detail. Also, I was thinking over what I have read of this, and realised something. If you really plan to work more on this, you could expand it pretty far. Add in more prespectives (if that's what you wanted) or just more story, period.
For some reason, I got a faint feeling reading about the shopage that made me feel like I was back at Taris, running around (KOTOR- for those not well versed). I like it. In fact, I could almost hear the music...
Interesting ending.
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vector40
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 12, 2004 1:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Heh... back when the "streetwalking" scene was first built, I remarked that the story was getting more and more like an RPG. Can't you just see the mission goals scroll across the screen?

Something I want to emphasize is that this story was never conceived as a chapter-by-chapter sequence. Everything written so far, and in my mind, everything remaining, was thought of as a single cohesive whole. I broke it down for the sole reason that the fan fiction system requires it; it survives, but I do think that it suffers somewhat. So it goes.
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 12, 2004 2:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I get you. And yes, I could see the mission goals pop up in front of me.

As for the breaking up thing, I totally agree. I thought that it sounded like that anyway. That is the only reason authors of a high level post mulitple submissions at the same time anyway, most of the time.
Going back to the whole RPG thing; it's like having to pause for sleeping while playing through it. It might break things up, but you have to do it.
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