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Brightly Colored Soldiers

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 17, 2009 3:26 pm    Post subject: Brightly Colored Soldiers Reply with quote

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Brightly Colored Soldiers
Posted by SeverianofUrth
17 April 2009, 4:26 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=SeverianofUr0417090426571.html
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StevieTopSiders
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 17, 2009 4:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Uhh... This is my first attempt at a review, and this one definitely made me a little queasy. Also, I checked the rules to make sure that I'm not breaking any by posting this. Very Happy

*Ahemz* The idea here is quite new and interesting, as far as I am aware. And I know this is Fiction, but supposing this is based on Halo Multi-Player (loosely?), I really don't think that one's limbs can fall off while enclosed in armor...

Very grizly, yet interesting, deaths: landed on by a Warthog, raped by a rocket, etc. The dialog was smooth, and actually sounded natural to me, but there was an inordinate amount of cursing. I myself don't mind when people use it, but this much just makes me kinda... angry? That's the feeling I get when I read this, and watch 24, it makes me wanna hit my brother with stuff.

The bagpipes add a deathly sort of atmosphere, which is good, though the guys "Kosher" comment made no sense to me. I like Matt, because, when he isn't cursing, he's trying to be a good Red teammate and brining back dead bodies. And the way that he died, well not actually died, but was impaled at the end was really freaky! I like how you set it up: I was like, "What's happening?" and then the scary realization snuck up on me. *shiver*

Good job, I liked it. The two titles added to the mortal atmosphere, and GPS mistakes didn't jump out at me. You "Entered" early when the guy was talking about the Banshee, but that's it. Great job!
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SeverianofUrth
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 17, 2009 5:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the review, man.

This was based on Halo's multiplayer game, yes. I wondered what it would be like for those within the game itself, at first, and this story was produced as a result from that. I always thought of it as a purgatory of sorts, and the violence within this 'hell' is a result of that.

Oh, god, I left some sentences unfinished and some words uncut. Embarassed When I read over it before submitting it, I could have sworn I fixed them... guess my mind glossed over them? Oh well.

I was uneasy about the number of curse words as well, but decided that, like the violence, it fit the setting. I think the language that people use deteriorate in both quality and content when there are no social restrictions.

Forgot to add it in last time, but I originally had them being crucified, but it felt like I was trying too hard. LIKE SYMBOSL N SACRIFICIES, MAN.

Again, thanks for the review.
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Sterfrye36
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 17, 2009 9:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Confused Shocked

Not much else to say than that. Unnerving, even with the GPS. Thanks. Smile
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kr1
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 17, 2009 10:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Interesting stuff here, Sev. I've toyed with writing a multiplayer fic before, but never came up with any kind of reasoning for why all these Spartans would be fighting. I never imagined it quite as gruesome, either. Good stuff, though. The dialogue especially was great; I chuckled a bit at some of the banter.
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CoLd BlooDed
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 17, 2009 10:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A purgatory of this calibur would be horrible.

I liked this, at first glance you're I was just like 'oh nice a multiplayer fic by Sev, this will be interesting' and then realized as each person relived only to redie, over and over and over again, that this was a depressing tale. Were the Blues computer-generated or simply the better team? Were they doomed to the mediocrity of Blood Gulch forever?! WOULD THEY EVER LEARN TO COEXIST IN ORDER TO BYPASS THE PURGATORY THAT IS HALO MULTIPLAYER?!

Nice. Wink
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SeverianofUrth
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 17, 2009 11:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Not much else to say than that. Unnerving, even with the GPS. Thanks.


Yeah, I need to watch out for those errors. Really should've let it sit for an hour or so.
Quote:
Interesting stuff here, Sev. I've toyed with writing a multiplayer fic before, but never came up with any kind of reasoning for why all these Spartans would be fighting. I never imagined it quite as gruesome, either. Good stuff, though. The dialogue especially was great; I chuckled a bit at some of the banter.


The only multiplayer fics I can remember are some of Chuckles' earlier fics, the ones from... 2004? You don't see many of them, and the ones you do see you generally forget about because they're almost always RvB imitators.

Admittedly, my story is about Red vs. Blue.

Quote:
I liked this, at first glance you're I was just like 'oh nice a multiplayer fic by Sev, this will be interesting' and then realized as each person relived only to redie, over and over and over again, that this was a depressing tale. Were the Blues computer-generated or simply the better team? Were they doomed to the mediocrity of Blood Gulch forever?


The Blues are human as well, although they do tend to win more.
Quote:
WOULD THEY EVER LEARN TO COEXIST IN ORDER TO BYPASS THE PURGATORY THAT IS HALO MULTIPLAYER?!

GULCH PEACE
BAND OF BROTHERS
SURPASS GOD
ESCAPE PARADISE

Thanks for the comments!
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kr1
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 17, 2009 11:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="SeverianofUrth"The only multiplayer fics I can remember are some of Chuckles' earlier fics, the ones from... 2004? You don't see many of them, and the ones you do see you generally forget about because they're almost always RvB imitators.

Admittedly, my story is about Red vs. Blue.[/quote]

Yeah, that's one of the reasons I never bothered with writing one. This does a good job of taking RvB and twisting it in a whole new light. It's like the opener to the third season, but no squeaky flag-zealots, just brutal combat, over and over. Like I said, good stuff. Wink
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 18, 2009 3:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

SeverianofUrth wrote:

Forgot to add it in last time, but I originally had them being crucified, but it felt like I was trying too hard. LIKE SYMBOSL N SACRIFICIES, MAN.


LOLZ MASTIR CHIF R JESUS LOL

I normally don't like hardcore violence like this, but the dialogue and inherent black humor carried the story enough for me to get through the gruesome bits. So this is very atypical of me, but I really like this one. I was going to mention the GPS stuff, but it seems like you already noticed that.
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CaptainRaspberry
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 20, 2009 5:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Woof. Disturbing stuff, Sev, but good nonetheless. I usually have a healthy distaste for multiplayer fics, but this was in a dementia dimension all of its own. All the same, I think I'll Google search some puppies and kittens before bed in order to clear some of these images out of my head.
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SeverianofUrth
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 20, 2009 6:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Yeah, that's one of the reasons I never bothered with writing one. This does a good job of taking RvB and twisting it in a whole new light. It's like the opener to the third season, but no squeaky flag-zealots, just brutal combat, over and over. Like I said, good stuff. Wink


I'd actually watch RvB for once, if they went in that direction. Hyperviolence would be quite interesting if coupled with hilarious amounts of photoshop'd blood.

Quote:
LOLZ MASTIR CHIF R JESUS LOL

I normally don't like hardcore violence like this, but the dialogue and inherent black humor carried the story enough for me to get through the gruesome bits. So this is very atypical of me, but I really like this one. I was going to mention the GPS stuff, but it seems like you already noticed that.


LOL HE DIED FOR UR SINZ

Yeah, some truly glaring errors on my part. Can't believe I left some freaking sentences unfinished. Embarassed I knew what they were going to say, and when I read them it fills them in, but I never actually typed it town... (it's actually MAGIC and TIME TRAVEL)

Quote:
Woof. Disturbing stuff, Sev, but good nonetheless. I usually have a healthy distaste for multiplayer fics, but this was in a dementia dimension all of its own. All the same, I think I'll Google search some puppies and kittens before bed in order to clear some of these images out of my head.


If you had a distaste for multiplayer fics, try reading my freaking star wars crossover. Laughing Yes, I actually wrote one. Oh god. It's the only series I've ever finished.
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Arthur Wellesley
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 21, 2009 1:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Only you, Sev... only you could make a multiplayer based fic that is so deeply compelling, rich, and original.

I always know I'm gonna be reading something special when I start into one of your fics. As it was slowly revealed what the premise was, I started contemplating just how horrible it would all be. And how people would react if they were thrown into a situation such as this. And honestly? It would probably go pretty much the way you described.

There were two sides. Although they obviously were cast into this reality without knowing anyone and without any idea of why they were there, they still identified as "Reds" and "Blues." This will for identity is so damn fundamental to the human character, and you put it do brutal effect here. Then having them do such horrible things based on this manufactured, arbitrary identity, doing it simply because they were "Other"... having Matt scorn the dead "Blue" because he was the "enemy" and thus a "beast"... really dark, man. Really cynical. But fucking brilliant.

Me, I have no problem with cursing, probably because I do it so fucking Goddamn often. As to the other elements of your style: loved it. "He awoke to the sound of bagpipes" started sending shivers down my spine when I read it. You could turn a man into an animal very quickly in the setting you provided... a fact of which you are clearly aware.

Won't bother harping on about the GPS.

Amazing. Loved it.

- Arthur
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 21, 2009 2:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Grizzly and macabre. Disturbing and lucid. Hard and unexpected. Vintage Sev: like whiskey and branch followed by a sledgehammer to the gullet.

Not much else to say. Great work, man. Wink
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SeverianofUrth
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 21, 2009 8:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
There were two sides. Although they obviously were cast into this reality without knowing anyone and without any idea of why they were there, they still identified as "Reds" and "Blues." This will for identity is so damn fundamental to the human character, and you put it do brutal effect here. Then having them do such horrible things based on this manufactured, arbitrary identity, doing it simply because they were "Other"... having Matt scorn the dead "Blue" because he was the "enemy" and thus a "beast"... really dark, man. Really cynical. But fucking brilliant.


I've wondered if I should have made it more explicit--that is, was that one paragraph where Matt muses about the dehumanization of the Blue before him enough? Or should I have tacked on like a whole page examining the ways with which these men cope with a desperate and hopeless situation, by identifying themselves by the armor they're issued and inventing rituals to bring some semblance of order to their world? Or maybe I should stop talking about shit I don't know much about? Laughing

Quote:
Amazing. Loved it.


Thanks, as always, for your generous comments.

Quote:
Grizzly and macabre. Disturbing and lucid. Hard and unexpected. Vintage Sev: like whiskey and branch followed by a sledgehammer to the gullet.

Not much else to say. Great work, man. Wink

edit: remind me not to post at two in the morning

Thanks for the comment! Very Happy
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