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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:28 am    Post subject: Untitled: 1 Reply with quote

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Untitled: 1
Posted by vector40 (brandon@berkeleyhigh.org)
6 December 2004, 8:00 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=vector40.1206040800591.html
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Hikaru-119
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Joined: 07 Dec 2004
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 4:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, just wow. This fan fiction is absolutely amazing thus far. I envy your skill. Too bad Earth is long gone though, at least that's what the story says thus far. Oh well. Great work, I'll be reading the rest later.
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SYSTEM
The Hammer


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3744
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 4:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmmm. It's good, the way it flows and the plot behind it. I just wonder if the author intended the title to be so odd, or if it's a browser glitch, or if they didn't make one.

Good, good, good. I'll look at the others.

- Dave.
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MasterSushi
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Joined: 14 Sep 2004
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Location: Sitting in a chair. On my own. Eating cupcakes. And people tell me to get a life. Ha.

PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 5:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bravo!
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 10:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The way I do things, I will probably post on each section of this. Point out individual stuff, or just say whatever.

As for the title, yeah, I was kinda wondering about that. Forget? Or want to have it that way? Or run out of creative energy?
Oh well.

I'm glad that you provided that little link there. I visited it and read it all. I agree with all that you said about the HBO FF stuff. And you are welcome back here. Thanks for posting this so we could see where you're at in the writing scheme of things. We can always use another good writer.

Now, onto that story.
I would capitalize stuff like "UNSC", it just stands out and is proper that way. Also, spell out stuff like .15 and G. It just lends to flow and helps things out overall. typed numbers just seem to stand out from the text when they are just general stuff. As do solitary letters that could be words.
The transitions were a little odd. Could have gone a bit more smoothly. or something.

Damn right you were getting into a more personal type of feeling. And you did it splendidly. I could feel what they felt, and feel myself in each of their places. Still, could have used just a touch more about the setting. I was on those characters and into them like nothing else, but, I couldn't picture where they were.

Overall, this was a wonderfully spectacular piece of work. It deserves a title better than Fan Fiction. I am truly impressed. You have skill. I think, after a short break, I will go on to read your others.
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vector40
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quick note -- the lowercase acronyms are a last-minute typographic screwup. You'll notice if you download the typeset version (the PDF) that acronyms are displayed in small caps (which are the letterforms of capitals, but only as tall as lowercase letters). The nature of small caps meant that as far as the "text" was concerned, those letters are actually lowercase; typing caps in a small cap face are rendered as full capitals, which would have defeated the purpose.

I prepped the story for release in InDesign, and then just modified that version for the webalyzed version on the site; I must have forgotten to change the acronyms back. My apologies.
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vector40
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Regarding the title, that's just how things folded out. Titles have never been big to me; they rarely strike me early in the process, and I honestly feel that if the title happens before the story, I'll end up writing to fulfill the title rather than following the flow.

My writing style is generally to write what naturally follows from what I've just written -- I plan minimally, I rarely have an idea for the events past the next page, paragraph, sentence, or word. And my titles usually mirror the same idea. Most of the fan fiction I've posted on HBO got its title a few minutes before I submitted it, as a kind of natural continuation of the story itself.

This time, nothing came to me, and I didn't force it; maybe it's because the story itself is unfinished. ::shrugs:: That's how it goes.
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 1:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

No problem. I do much the same thing when I write things. I make the story up as I go. I have general story/plot stuff that I have slightly planned, but, most of it gets fixed after I get it all down. I like things that way.
As for the title, hey, I'm not complaining. I don't think you should make yourself adhere to a title. No problem, I was just wondering, of course. Keep up the good work (wait, I still have to read the other ones...).
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SYSTEM
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 3:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's understandable. If a story isn't finalised before you start it, I guess you're leaving yourself with some open doors in case you end up not liking it.

What the? That's five-hundred posts!

- Dave.
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MasterSushi
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 5:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dave!
What's it like up there?
In 500 posts land?
How's MCC? (620?!)

500 posts land.
Population... 2

Well done! Very Happy
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 10:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, the air is getting tellably thinner. And the nose-blead gets bad this tome of year. Other than that, I've got enough supplies to take on the rest of Everest...er...the rest of the fics.

Congrats Dave. (You're not trying to, say... top my post level are you?)
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 09, 2004 12:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I only got three words:

You did good.
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 09, 2004 2:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You know, I could have done that and have been done with it. But, then who would I be? Just another commentor?! If I can't find anything at all to critique, you know you did well. But, I still haven't found one of those...
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Zofinda
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 09, 2004 3:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great story, really connected us with the characters...
Kinda reminds me of the old series " All Roads Lead to Sol..." by S7N. He also made deep connections with his characters. Keep up the great work ill get around to the other parts later.

-Z
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Brigade_of_marines
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
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Location: Jacksonville, Florida

PostPosted: Thu Dec 09, 2004 3:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

My post for the whole series:

I hate most times when i love reading a triligoy thats partially finished. The books are good but i want it so bad...

That is the way i feal about this. Good series, but i need a bit more to stay intrested. Something to bite. Now your story is good, and if MCC can't critique much, you have done a good job. Me i critique off of how it intrests me. Most stories I don't coment on. Yours I have.

Why have you left FF? Well please try and pull up a chair and sit by our fire. Read to us children about your exploits of the days old.
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