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So, We Lost.
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 2:15 pm    Post subject: So, We Lost. Reply with quote

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So, We Lost.
Posted by SeverianofUrth
24 March 2009, 5:19 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=SeverianofUr0324091719541.html
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kabu
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 3:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Congratulations, Sev, you have successfully crafted the most disturbing simile I have ever seen. Dear god, I have to go pour acid into my eyes now.

Other than that, I have to say that this is incredibly depressing, which is a good thing. Anything I read that elicits genuine emotion gets, like, five thousand points. The story of some poor bastard dying in a puddle of excrement... fantastic!
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SeverianofUrth
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 9:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the review! I hope I was able to get a nasty chuckle out of you.


What simile are you talking about, by the way?
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kabu
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 28, 2009 2:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Time, in a way, is like that insistent boy prodding his puberty cock against the fabric of your dress. Tell him to fuck off all you want, he isn't going to go away.


GAAAAH! And then you kept running with it for a whole paragraph!

And yeah, I got that kind of laugh that I immediately feel guilty after laughing. S'good.
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CaptainRaspberry
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 28, 2009 4:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This was good, wonderfully dark. I enjoyed it a lot. There was only ever one other story I read that dealt with surviving the glassing of a planet underground, and yours is much more artistic and shot through with realism than the other (though that one was more narrative and linked to a bigger story).

Still, incredible job, man.
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SeverianofUrth
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 28, 2009 5:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

CaptainRaspberry wrote:
This was good, wonderfully dark. I enjoyed it a lot. There was only ever one other story I read that dealt with surviving the glassing of a planet underground, and yours is much more artistic and shot through with realism than the other (though that one was more narrative and linked to a bigger story).

Still, incredible job, man.


Thanks, man.

And:


Quote:
GAAAAH! And then you kept running with it for a whole paragraph!

And yeah, I got that kind of laugh that I immediately feel guilty after laughing. S'good.


Awesome.

As for that quote though, I thought you were talking about the shit in the corner paragraph before you replied. Laughing
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Chuckles
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 28, 2009 8:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

One of the reasons I like to write horror—or can write it for that matter—is that my mind used to run through worst-case scenarios as if it was getting paid for it. I'd think up dozens of them every week in dark red detail. Not because I was trying to be creative. No, my mind just went that way for God knows why. When I grew up and started watching horror movies I couldn't find anything that scared me because nothing could compare to the bleakness of my nightmares and daydreams. Still, I was a happy kid. Go figure. I don't know if you grew up smiling or not Sev, but our brains apparently shared the same hobby.

This was well thought out and terrifyingly genuine. That bit about the COM chatter becoming too ghoulish to listen to was brilliant. Here's one of my favorite parts:
Quote:
Soon other links crackled with urgency only to fade away. Like candles in the dark running low then flickering out. One by one toppling over because they were probably dying. Although one had sounded like they were being eaten.

I shut them off a week ago. I think I'm alone now.

Add a few bells and whistles and you've got a movie here, or at least an hour of television. Do you know how little it would cost to make a something like that? Me neither. Az might know. But compared to most of the boring garbage littering our TVs and theaters it couldn't cost much. Relatively speaking, that is. If you were feeling particularly dark, you could write the transcripts of those waning broadcasts. The horrible story of each candle going out. That would make for one heckuva pitch-black series, but it would write itself. I just felt a chill.

Loved it. Excellent work, as usual.

C.T Clown
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fallschirmjager
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 28, 2009 8:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chuckles wrote:
The horrible story of each candle going out. That would make for one heckuva pitch-black series, but it would write itself. I just felt a chill.


Christ on a bicycle, you're right. Just thinking about it made me shudder.

A enthralling read, Sev, not my preferred readings - I did try something similarly despondent for the end of Long Time Gone but it fails in comparison - but this has left a mark on me for sure.
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SeverianofUrth
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 4:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
One of the reasons I like to write horror—or can write it for that matter—is that my mind used to run through worst-case scenarios as if it was getting paid for it.


Heh, I still do that! One of my worst fears is getting crucified, oddly enough, because the thought of getting nailed to a post is strangely terrifying. I used to imagine nothing other then the pain of having a giant spike driven through my palms, to feel the blood trickling down my wrist and onto the ground, and to feel my flesh tear as my weight dragged myself down the post and into the dirt. It was an odd phobia, that now that I think about it, was probably driven by all the Sunday School sessions I attended when I was young.

Quote:
I don't know if you grew up smiling or not Sev, but our brains apparently shared the same hobby.


I grew up a happy little bugger, thankfully.

Quote:
The horrible story of each candle going out.


This might sound funny, but I first thought of this a year ago, when, while playing Warcraft, everyone began disconnecting during a raid. I was terrified as each avatar online typed wtf lagging then disappeared, leaving me all alone to wipe, wipe, and wipe more.


Laughing

Thank you for your always kind words.

Quote:
Christ on a bicycle, you're right. Just thinking about it made me shudder.

A enthralling read, Sev, not my preferred readings - I did try something similarly despondent for the end of Long Time Gone but it fails in comparison - but this has left a mark on me for sure.


Aye, being buried alive is also another one of my fears, along with my fear of clowns, bunnies, and Canadians.



Thanks, man.
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CoLd BlooDed
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 7:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I love how you can tackle the Halo-universe in an original, concise manner and execute it in perfect harmony with your Severian self. This was awesome. Optimistically dark. Poor guy.

Oh, and I've already booked a flight to your town. I'll be there in a couple days!
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SeverianofUrth
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 8:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

CoLd BlooDed wrote:
I love how you can tackle the Halo-universe in an original, concise manner and execute it in perfect harmony with your Severian self. This was awesome. Optimistically dark. Poor guy.

Oh, and I've already booked a flight to your town. I'll be there in a couple days!

Quote:
Aye, being buried alive is also another one of my fears, along with my fear of clowns, bunnies, and Canadians.

Quote:
Oh shit
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Arthur Wellesley
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 02, 2009 11:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
It scares me, to die, but what scares me even more is to die painfully.


So true. The one predictable motivator of mankind: fear of a violent death.

Very nice, Sev. Very dark. I was casually reading the various strategies the main character had for himself before I really comprehended the full import of what he was saying. The crippling loneliness, the abject fear of not knowing... it was so effectively presented here because you didn't pound away at it. He didn't pontificate on its meaning. Just that it drove him to thoughts of suicide.

The cursing in the narrative was very appropriate here, communicating both his helplessness and the fact that he's just your average joe who thinks he's the last man on earth. His off-color similes and brief description of his previous life round out the image of the man without really letting us know him. Given the substance of the story, this seems appropriate.

Excellent descriptions of glassing, too. It was expertly weaved into the off-beat first person narrative, which itself was a joy to read. Really great work - a fascinating examination of the human character.

I have a question, though. Utica? I have to warn you, I'm a total Roman history nerd. Utica was site of Cato's final stand against Caesar. Cato was called by many the last Republican. Is this what you're referring to? And if so, what is your meaning? That after Utica, the UNSC got progressively more authoritarian? Just curious.

By the way,

Quote:
Aye, being buried alive is also another one of my fears, along with my fear of clowns, bunnies, and Canadians.


Oh, I'm sorry, did I mention this was the biggest piece of shit I've ever read? Razz

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SeverianofUrth
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 03, 2009 4:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
I love how you can tackle the Halo-universe in an original, concise manner and execute it in perfect harmony with your Severian self. This was awesome. Optimistically dark. Poor guy.


Forgot to thank you properly. I won't let my crippling fear get in the way!


Quote:
I have a question, though. Utica? I have to warn you, I'm a total Roman history nerd. Utica was site of Cato's final stand against Caesar. Cato was called by many the last Republican. Is this what you're referring to? And if so, what is your meaning? That after Utica, the UNSC got progressively more authoritarian? Just curious.


I didn't really mean anything by it, in this particular story. Utica was a planet in my other story, Seven Days, in which Rubashov 'learned his craft.' If I remember correctly, I had meant it to be something along the lines of 'the demagogue dies here,' but in retrospect, without knowing much about Cato's body of work, that'd be a pretty foolish thing to say.

Of course, inept as always, I spelled it as 'Utiga.' Laughing I just liked giving some sense of closure to the planet in which it all started, although no one but me knew anything about it, and in a way, this story is the true epilogue to Seven Days.

Quote:
Oh, I'm sorry, did I mention this was the biggest piece of shit I've ever read?


Laughing You northern fellas are gonna pay, one day, lookin' down on us southern folks.
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kr1
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 04, 2009 7:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not much more to be said that hasn't already been said. Great work here, Sev. I liked the bits where the narrator would remember the things he'd forgotten. Just adds a bit more realism, especially since he never thought he'd actually need the shelter.

SeverianofUrth wrote:
Heh, I still do that! One of my worst fears is getting crucified, oddly enough, because the thought of getting nailed to a post is strangely terrifying.


Not to exacerbate your phobia, but this just reminded me of a bit in a book I just read a few weeks back, where one of the main characters is captured and crucified. He's nailed through the wrists instead, though, and kept alive. One of the most badass fight scenes I've read followed, when the guy finally escaped.
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SeverianofUrth
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 04, 2009 10:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm, the only scenes I can think of is either the protagonist's escape after getting nailed to a board in Gates of Fire, or Paul Dure's crucifixion and his continuous death and rebirth in Hyperion.

Thanks for the comment, kr.
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