HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

This topic is for posting comments to:

Halo: The Helljumper (chapter 1)
Posted by (Reaper) 105th O.D.S.T. (ionlyneedoneshot@yahoo.com)
1 March 2009, 10:17 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Reaper_105th0301092217491.html

UNSC Trooper · Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 1:49 pm Post subject:

I can say that you've ripped off about, thirty percent of The Fall of Reach's prologue. You used the same structure and sentences as in the book, but you changed the names of the characters and some of the description.

I'll properly review your submissions when you stop ripping off published material.

kabu · Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 2:44 pm Post subject:

Okay.

1) Blatant rippoff, as noted above. This is probably the worst mistake you can make.

2) Self-censorship (F**k) is bad.

3) Capitalization and multiple exclamation marks for emphasis

4) Mary-Sue to end all Mary-Sues. Killed two hunters with a knife, what? Shot the pilot out of a banshee? And the plasma grenade thing? That would have killed, maybe five grunts. Even the Spartans needed rockets, anti-air flak and an entire minefield to kill those grunts.

Okay. Numbers 1 and 4 are the two that you really have to take care of. Sloppy formatting and such can be forgiven, to a small extent, but don't bother submitting anything until you have your own material.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, I'm in a bad mood right now.
_________________

Col. Knadan · Posted: Sat Mar 07, 2009 3:59 am Post subject:

Okay, three points.

*1 Please take out the profanity, this is personal preference I will grudgingly accept not changing it.

*2 you misspelled "firing" as "fireing" there's no "e".

*3 you also misspelled something else that needed g at the end of the word.
_________________
I'll tear out skull and beat you to death with it!

"This doesn't seem physically possible!", Micky, RedvsBlue The Blood Gulch Chronicles

StevieTopSiders · Member Joined: 07 Mar 2009 Posts: 1 Location: MIT

Really? Not even the Chief could do that. Second of all, it is a pretty blatant copy. I even distinctly remember the "Lay out the welcome matt." And it should, in fact, be "mat" unless you plan on laying out a man named "Matthew" with "hello" written all over him. Covenant is capitalized. And the "motion sensors were of the scale..." thing makes no sense, whatsoever. I do NOT want another chapter of this crap.