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Halo: The Helljumper (chapter 1)

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 1:04 pm    Post subject: Halo: The Helljumper (chapter 1) Reply with quote

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Halo: The Helljumper (chapter 1)
Posted by (Reaper) 105th O.D.S.T. (ionlyneedoneshot@yahoo.com)
1 March 2009, 10:17 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Reaper_105th0301092217491.html
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UNSC Trooper
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Joined: 11 Jul 2007
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Location: Overlooking a rebel hideout from an orbiting UEG patrol frigate.

PostPosted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 1:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can say that you've ripped off about, thirty percent of The Fall of Reach's prologue. You used the same structure and sentences as in the book, but you changed the names of the characters and some of the description.

I'll properly review your submissions when you stop ripping off published material.
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kabu
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Joined: 18 Oct 2008
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 2:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay.

1) Blatant rippoff, as noted above. This is probably the worst mistake you can make.

2) Self-censorship (F**k) is bad.

3) Capitalization and multiple exclamation marks for emphasis

4) Mary-Sue to end all Mary-Sues. Killed two hunters with a knife, what? Shot the pilot out of a banshee? And the plasma grenade thing? That would have killed, maybe five grunts. Even the Spartans needed rockets, anti-air flak and an entire minefield to kill those grunts.

Okay. Numbers 1 and 4 are the two that you really have to take care of. Sloppy formatting and such can be forgiven, to a small extent, but don't bother submitting anything until you have your own material.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, I'm in a bad mood right now.
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Col. Knadan
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Joined: 08 Aug 2008
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Location: UNSC In Amber Clad II Class Cruiser

PostPosted: Sat Mar 07, 2009 3:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, three points.

*1 Please take out the profanity, this is personal preference I will grudgingly accept not changing it.

*2 you misspelled "firing" as "fireing" there's no "e".

*3 you also misspelled something else that needed g at the end of the word.
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StevieTopSiders
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Joined: 07 Mar 2009
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Location: MIT

PostPosted: Fri Mar 13, 2009 1:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Really? Not even the Chief could do that. Second of all, it is a pretty blatant copy. I even distinctly remember the "Lay out the welcome matt." And it should, in fact, be "mat" unless you plan on laying out a man named "Matthew" with "hello" written all over him. Covenant is capitalized. And the "motion sensors were of the scale..." thing makes no sense, whatsoever. I do NOT want another chapter of this crap.
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