HBO Fan Fiction

[hboff]

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We Lucky Few - A 'Bad Days' story
Posted by kabu (will36@gmail.com)
5 February 2009, 3:45 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=kabu0205090345411.html

AN:

[kr1]

Very enjoyable, kabu. A bit more serious, but still enough to laugh at. You've got a talent for describing action here, too, not just the funny side.

Are you gonna start each of these new ideas as their own mini-series, separate from this? I personally think this chapter makes for a good ending point for the introduction to all of your characters.

And this line was great:

[kabu]

I think I'm gonna keep writing through Isaac's perspective for now - you're going to find out more about Kendal from Isaac's skewed perspective, and will have to draw you're own conclusion. Specifically, I read those stories a while ago about ------

edit: I've said too much. IT WAS HIS SLED!
_________________

[Phædrus]

Very entertaining. Though ginormous explosions normally seem gratuitous and wank-ish, this one fit in well. This story had a more serious, slightly less slapstick feel to it, which is both good and bad. Good part is that it's showing more mature writing. Bad part is that you've lost a fraction of your humor value, so you'll have to make up for that with better characterization and description. Which you have. In spades.

Good job.

[Arthur Wellesley]

I did get to this, as I said. Eventually. Then I saw you had another fic out. Damn you, Kabu! Oh well, I'll comment on this one for now.

This was another great entry, and successfully continued your foray into a real story, veering (somewhat) from the vignette approach. It need hardly be said that the writing style of this piece was its greatest asset. First, it is, for the most part, clear and readable, which makes it an instantly pleasing read. Secondly, the colorful word choice, delivered through an eccentric, possibly unreliable first person narrative, is consistently interesting and fun. The frequent use of onomatopoeia in this chapter furthered the sense that Isaac is relating his story almost by way of conversation, and so justifies all the little quirks and oddities of the narrative.

This chapter, for the first time, had some pretty good character development. In previous iterations, Isaac was so dominant that it was mostly a solo character study of him. Here, his comrades had rather more of a part to play. The development still seemed a little shallow, but it seems intentionally so, given the style of the narrative and the understandable focus on Isaac.

By the way, I loved this passage (probably shouldn't read if you want to avoid spoilers):

[Phædrus]

I agree with Arthur, the dual fire extinguisher slo-mo part was comedic genius.