HBO Fan Fiction

[hboff]

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Letters of a Corpsman: Fate and Cold Death
Posted by (ENS) Rabid_Gallagher (rabid_masterchief@hotmail.com)
23 January 2009, 5:56 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=ENS_Rabid_Ga0123090556521.html

[UNSC Trooper]

I haven't seen any letter-type fics here in a while. That was pretty good, Gallagher. I love the way you expressed Michelle's feelings and the combination between a magazine/newspaper article and a personal letter sent to her husband. I've always enjoyed fiction detailing the experiences of soldiers who don't participate in combat too often; like photographers, journalists and field medics.

Hope to see more of this kind of stuff.

[kr1]

This was pretty good. I liked the emotion, but you could've done a bit more with that. There's a bit too much focus on the story she's telling rather than how it's affecting her, and that's more what'd be expected from this kind of letter. The opening to the editor part seemed a bit tacked on, too, and pulled me out a bit. Overall, though, good job. Glad to see more regulars posting, even if it's something shorter like this.
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[Arthur Wellesley]

Great job, Gallagher (it’s been a while, no?) As you’ve been told by others already, this piece’s greatest strength is its emotion. Letters can be the greatest purveyors of emotion in some sense, as so brilliantly recognized by biographers such as Ken Burns and, my own personal favorite, David McCullough. You prefaced the letter with an introduction by the husband of the dead letter writer. It was a great touch, and immediately drew the reader into the emotion.

The letter itself was very well done. It was written in a casual style that came across as very natural, as one really does write a letter to a loved one. You’ve created a very human character in Michelle, very relatable. I like that she is a corpsman, and not a gung-ho marine, giving us a unique and particularly thoughtful account of the action. The dilemma over whether or not to save Thompson, when other men will die to rescue a man who might be a lost cause, was very well done, a great scene to underline the horrors and moral ambiguity of war.

At times, however, the writing style, perhaps shooting for natural, came across as clunky:

[(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher]

To Trooper: Thank you! Yeah, I'm planning to post up another letter next week, just toned down on the telling from her perspective and capitalize on the emotion a bit more.

To kr-numbers: Thanks! But I do agree with you; the story shouldn't be important. But if you think about it, this is just what she's experiencing. I can't write a story just about a few emotions. I'd bore too quickly, can't write that good.

The Dear Editor plays a good role, I think, but I'm not going to explore that much until later. Just be patient; with me, almost everything has a purpose.

To Arthur: I was waiting for this one, and I'm very glad you like it. I was trying to grab people's emotion with it and let them see and feel Michelle in this, and I did try to humanize her, but I was kind of worried I didn't quite reach it after I submitted it. I'm very glad, however, that you think I did.

These stories are particularly hard to develop because you can't make them tell a story, but you have to focus on pure human drive. But thank you, guys!
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"My appreciation for being quoted is being masked by my distaste for your incompetence, Gallagher" - Shrumertaor
Idea, Plot, Character, and Forum Signatures

[kr1]

Ah, so this is a series? You have my attention. This read like a one-shot, and I'm definitely interested in where you're going with the editor part now.
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