HBO Fan Fiction

[hboff]

This topic is for posting comments to:

Of Opiates and Octopi - Bad Days, Chapter 4
Posted by kabu (will36@gmail.com)
29 November 2008, 6:08 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=kabu1129081808441.html

[Arthur Wellesley]

Another great piece, kabu. Reminds me a little bit of Catch-22, both the style and the plot. The insane, dysfunctional military bureaucracy is contrasted with a main character who seems downtrodden with resignation. The scene with the medic was classic. I could totally see that happening; both characters seemed right.

The final scene with Meyers detoxing in his bed was very well executed. We've all experienced sensations like you described: the confusion, the misperception of time, the mixing of reality with hallucinations. Your writing conveyed this warped state of mind wonderfully. The enduring fear of fire is also a great touch, adding a sense of continuity within the series which, as you said last time, is mostly a collection of vignettes, while at the same time giving Meyers a slightly humorous complex.

In my opinion, it would be best to keep it so. This is a dry, funny, offbeat character study that I'm not sure would be well served by delving too deeply into any plot arch. Maybe you can make it work, but all I'm saying is that it is working right now. And, as they say, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

I do have a complaint, however. At times, your writing style is inconsistent. It is at its best when its dry and understated. A few times, though, you veered:

[kabu]