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Holy Hunt : Prelude
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 2:38 pm    Post subject: Holy Hunt : Prelude Reply with quote

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Holy Hunt : Prelude
Posted by OpeningAct (moores@no12tudor.plus.com)
2 December 2004, 9:15 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=openingact.1202042115381.html
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OpeningAct
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 8:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

To anyone that doesn't already know my ex-series Rogue Hunter has been cancelled due to my plot being ruined by Halo 2's storyline. This is my new series Holy Hunt which I hope everyone will enjoy.

All comments are appreciated.
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russ687
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Overall it was good.

I didn't really understand the double spacing in there; perhaps formatting mistakes? Also, a lot of your dialogue was missing commas or periods at the end of it. Proof-read to catch these.

This will be a series to follow.

-Russ
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Nick Kang
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, I agree with russ. Not as good as Rogue Hunter, but still one to follow.
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Mainevent
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 10:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You don't have to end a series just because it didn't fit in with the storyline.

Unless you are doing a story specifically following the story, feel free to do your own thing.
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Mastergrunt
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 11:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'd have to agree with everyone else about your Rogue Hunter series. It was really awesome, so please continue. After all just because it doesn't exactly fit the Halo 2 plot line doesn't mean it's worthless.
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SYSTEM
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 11:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Come on, Openingact, A series discontinued is a series to be mourned.

It has an extremely strong beginning. I like it. In fact, you could make another great series again.

If you want, we can work on it together. I'll get my old pencil out, and you can get a big pad of paper....



About the fick, the beginning starts out with a big bang - the door opening with a big flash of light.

Your dialogue is incredible; it flows flawlessly.

It's great, but I wish Rogue Hunter could be revived.

- Dave.

Post Script - How about this: If you revive Rogue Hunter, I'll do a reissue of Red and White Revolution.
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Mournhold
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 04, 2004 12:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

very impressive story. my only comment is the lack of periods of commas within your quotations. I loved how the Prophet's dialogue flowed, each one finishing the other's sentence/statement. very effective.

please continue Opening.
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 04, 2004 1:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Does that mean I still get to help you with it, Dave?

I liked the parts of Rogue Hunter that I read. I thought it was pretty darn good. So, you might consider continuing it for the heck of it.

Anyway. I liked your beginning there. Thought you could have used a tad more environment detail, though.
And yeah, watch that dialogue punctuation.
Your dialogue sounded off in another way as well. You didn't use much detail with it. Also, the "species speach" could have been perfected a bit more. Further, it seemed to get a tad repedetive and lost a little flow when you were dealing with the Prophets. You used the same one word name over and over, and it just didn't seem right to me.

Overall, it was good. You set a plot that will proove to be a great adventure and include many battles. Work out your mistakes and keep up the good work.
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OpeningAct
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 04, 2004 7:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Look, the reason I cancelled Rogue Hunter was because of the fact that Tartarus, the main bad guy from Halo 2, was one of my main good characters the fic. He played an extremely large part, crucial to the storyline.

Now, this is the best I can do.

I will take up Dave's offer, AFTER this series is finished, cos this is the series in my mind at the moment and I'm kinda wantin just to get a complete series under my belt. Hopefully that bodes well with everyone. Very Happy
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 04, 2004 7:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't mean to ruin your ship design, but that ship of yours could easily be destroyed. First of all, the turrets fire huge balls of plasma. That would lower the ships for a second while they fire. Any human ship would corridenate fire when you launch plasma. They would probably be abled to destroy that ship of yours in seconds.

And I'll save you the trouble of ground tactics for Covenant as well.

The Jackals would be the frontline. They would create a wall of shields as they run toward their enemies. Brutes would fire over the shields with their Brute Shots into the humans or Elites. The Drones would be in the air, not with Plasma Pistol, but with Plasma Rifles. They would strafe the enemy. One of them would activate a Plasma Grenade on him as he ran into a crowd of enemies. He would be a kamakize.
When the Jackals make it to the enemy's line, the Brutes would rush the lines, swiping the enemy with their Brute Shot blades. The Drones would fall back and fly to the Artillery posts the enemies have. They would harass the Artillery posts until the Banshees (piloted by Brutes) attack the Artillery.
The Brutes would definially use Wraiths in this attack. They would attack the rear of the enemy forces as it would lower their reinforcements.

Hope it helps.
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 04, 2004 7:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Whoops. Wrong story. It was good. Started out with huge effect in the beginning. It kept with the rest of the story. But heed my advice on the ship at the end though.
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SYSTEM
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 04, 2004 11:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yep, a browser glitch - the worst thing that can happen to a commentor.

OpeningAct, I see what you mean, now. But a series of revolutions in my old story conflicted with Halo Two as well.

But it was cancelled well before due to budget cuts and time issues.


However, although at first glance it was a grunt revolution, it actually was a Human Revolution in the long run. And "Red and White" are symbolic - the Bolsheviks and Mensheviks are red and white respectively, and the colours of Canada are also red and white. They stand for freedom and strength in our Nation, and that is why it's called Red and White Revolution.

But, I'm planning on doing a reissue, and MCC, any help would be GREAT! We could write it together.

- Dave.
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thedarkfire
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2004 5:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Openingact, I don't think brutes wear fatigues. Other than that, great flow and your prophet speak was almost dead-on. I suggest you use more religious refferences when speaking as a prophet though.
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Nick Kang
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2004 2:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, Brutes don't wear fatigues, they wear armor.

And in H2, the Prophet rarely makes religious references, unless they are referring to something religious.
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