HBO Fan Fiction

[hboff]

This topic is for posting comments to:

Falchion part 1
Posted by kr142616
7 November 2008, 2:28 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=kr1426161107080228081.html

[Azrael]

I was completely into this, and then you threw that last paragraph at me about Andrew and I got completely lost. From whose viewpoint are we seeing this?

This seems 97% Scott and then becomes Andrew at the last second, but seems to be from Scott's mind. I was really lost. It was a great submission, but what was that ending?
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...now that's some gritty shizzle.

[kr1]

The last paragraph was a rush job, and just to get this long enough for You're Doing It Right. Without it it was a hundred words or so short. The opening was actually from Andrew's POV, too.

But this was something I wrote a while ago and wasn't realy intending to submit, but nothing else I had ready fit the criteria for Phae's contest. I was thinking of doing a rewrite later down the line, but I'm not sure it'd be too different. Anyways, glad you liked it.
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[Arthur Wellesley]

I read this back when it came out, kr. I was sure I reviewed it. Woops.

This was a short piece, but it was full of great moments. The exchange over Andrew's heart rate, and the subsequent discussion about orbital drops, cleverly established the nature of the relationship between the Spartans. This is a great example of the "showing, not telling" mantra so oft repeated around here. This was a very effective opening scene.

The flashback sequence was good. Good in that it was well written and well described. I wasn't totally sure where you were taking it, though.

Scott's demise answered this, I think. Trained since the age of six, fighting alongside his comrades for decades - all to meet an end because of a mechanical malfunction, before even making contact with the enemy. All a little ironic, too, given that he was the only Spartan who didn't mind "the bucket."

When I read this, all I could think was: "F%#!" Which I believe was your intention. So kudos.

I have to agree with Az, though. The final scene left me confused. Perspective seemed a little screwey there.

But great stuff all round, kr. Are you gonna continue?

- Arthur
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Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. - Napoleon
Current Project: Vestal Flame. Current Word Count: 27,017

[kr1]

I want to continue this eventually, but the only reason I actually submitted was for Phaes contest a while back. I don't really think it was completely ready to be submitted, and deserves at least a cursory rewrite, IMO. Falchion wasn't ever even intended as a title. I just needed something to call it Thursday night.

But I want to at least finish Amethyst before I get really into this. I have it more or less planned out in my head, I just have other stuff I'm working on that I don't want to neglect.

Thanks for giving it a read, though, and I'm glad you liked it.
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