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The Priestess and the Warrior - Traxus

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 24, 2008 1:56 pm    Post subject: The Priestess and the Warrior - Traxus Reply with quote

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The Priestess and the Warrior - Traxus
Posted by Jillybean (jillybean@bungie.org)
23 October 2008, 2:34 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Jillybean1023081434271.html
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baneofdeath
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Location: If i tell you will you promise not to come to my house and rape me?

PostPosted: Fri Oct 24, 2008 7:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This was hella long, thats all that i really did not like. But thats not an inherent flaw.

As always you excel at capuring the elites speach and feeling.

Sorry that i cant really offer any constructive critisism, good job!
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thedarkfire
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 25, 2008 3:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I will get to this Jill, I promise.
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thedarkfire
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Location: Thousand post land. Oh look! A pidgeon!

PostPosted: Sun Oct 26, 2008 10:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't think it was too long. Quite nice actually.

The interaction between the Chief and Orna was very well done I think. It felt very organic, I think.

However, I felt as if the portion of the story where Saia and the human (forgive me for not remembering the name) was a little confusing and I was having a bit of a hard time following it.

Couple very, very minor typos. Yea, I'm being nitpicky cause well, in order to actually critique you, I need to be.

This is really a truly epic story by the way. The sheer scope of this story is absolutely massive.

Edit: Look, I double posted, go me.
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