HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

This topic is for posting comments to:

ES08 - Eternal Sunder (part 0 Cool

: The War of the Fallen
Posted by Wado (wyamauchi@msn.com)
29 November 2004, 9:12 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=wado.1129040912048.html

Amaranthine · Member Joined: 10 Aug 2004 Posts: 55

Loved it. I could imagine their voices from the game speaking their lines in the story.

10/10

(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher · Posted: Tue Nov 30, 2004 4:05 am Post subject:

It was good, but you could of added more of a darker side to this "Lady". BUt other than that, it was grrrreeeaaaattt!
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"My appreciation for being quoted is being masked by my distaste for your incompetence, Gallagher" - Shrumertaor
Idea, Plot, Character, and Forum Signatures

russ687 · Posted: Tue Nov 30, 2004 5:56 am Post subject:

Well, overall it was good.

Formating was excellent. I discourage using AN's, but I see how it was nessicary here. If you do use AN's, it may be a good idea to put it between horizontal rules [hr].

Your dialogue is excellent; the content is awesome. It is a really big bonus to have your characters say stuff intelligent. However, the Chief didn't sound quite right, in my opinion.

I see how you used this as a informative (in your word, Prologue) for the readers. I have not read this series, but it sounds interesting. Good job of mixing in the needed information with the story.

Like I said, good job. Keep it up.

-Russ

Wado · The Hammer Joined: 26 Jul 2004 Posts: 320

Thanks for the comments.

Brigade_of_marines · Posted: Tue Nov 30, 2004 8:51 pm Post subject:

YAY YOUR BACK. EVERYONE REJOICE. Exclamation

Berconius · Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 1:48 am Post subject:

Wow, I thought you gave up on this or something! It is indeed a time to rejoice.

I guess it picks the flow up from where you left it off in this series. It always felt a bit like a dream to me and this part keeps it up pretty well.

It keeps doing things I don't expect at every turn. Great job on the plot. Interesting thing to do with the title of Reclaimer, though I would almost expect Sparky to know something about this already. Kinda strange that he wouldn't mention his version of the origins of the name "Reclaimer" over the course of several hundred years.

I hope you'll be building up some momentum. This is some seriously style that doesn't seem to come up in any other series I've read.

Cheers

MasterSushi · Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 8:05 pm Post subject:

Wado strikes back!
Well done once again Wado!
Could this Golden Age myth be true!?!?!?

'Nosolee · Member Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 73 Location: Manhattan

It must be, especially if I'm even thinking about reviving some old dust. Wink

SYSTEM · Posted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 12:07 am Post subject:

Wado's returned!

I am really glad this day has come. We might be headed for a new golden age. I wonder where Beep and Tony B are?

- Dave.

MC's Cousin · Mr. 1337 Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.

Sadly, I am not familiar with this series. But, I am glad to see out Moderator writing on the system that he monitors. I hope this will prove to be a trend.

Wait, it kinda sound vaguely familiar. So, I might have smelt it before.
Anyway. Yeah, John didn't seem in character either. Perhaps it is a part of our style, but, I just couldn't picture Spartan-117 saying that stuff in the mood that I picked up. In fact, it kinda seemed like everyone had a slightly comical and nonserious edge. Hmm.
Also, perhaps this is how you intended it, but I didn't notice that many details about the setting. Just characters. You did say this was meant to be a sort of prologue, so I suppose I expected a little more setting description and explenation.
Heh. That brought a smile to my face. That interface and data thing there reminded me of talking to that AI on the Wookie homeworld; among other intelligences.

Overall, I was not dissapointed. Well written and well thought over from the way things sound. You've created a good backstory. I was wanting more info about it, but, I suppose that's partially my problem for not having read the others before this. I hope to see more of these soon. Good work, my friend.
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-MCC