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ES08 - Eternal Sunder (part 08): The War of the Fallen

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2004 3:01 am    Post subject: ES08 - Eternal Sunder (part 08): The War of the Fallen Reply with quote

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ES08 - Eternal Sunder (part 0Cool: The War of the Fallen
Posted by Wado (wyamauchi@msn.com)
29 November 2004, 9:12 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=wado.1129040912048.html
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Amaranthine
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Joined: 10 Aug 2004
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2004 3:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Loved it. I could imagine their voices from the game speaking their lines in the story.

10/10
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2004 4:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It was good, but you could of added more of a darker side to this "Lady". BUt other than that, it was grrrreeeaaaattt!
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russ687
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Joined: 06 Aug 2004
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2004 5:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, overall it was good.

Formating was excellent. I discourage using AN's, but I see how it was nessicary here. If you do use AN's, it may be a good idea to put it between horizontal rules [hr].

Your dialogue is excellent; the content is awesome. It is a really big bonus to have your characters say stuff intelligent. However, the Chief didn't sound quite right, in my opinion.

I see how you used this as a informative (in your word, Prologue) for the readers. I have not read this series, but it sounds interesting. Good job of mixing in the needed information with the story.

Like I said, good job. Keep it up.

-Russ
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Wado
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2004 9:17 am    Post subject: Thanks Reply with quote

Thanks for the comments.
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Brigade_of_marines
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2004 8:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

YAY YOUR BACK. EVERYONE REJOICE. Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation
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Berconius
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Joined: 15 Aug 2004
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 1:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, I thought you gave up on this or something! It is indeed a time to rejoice.

I guess it picks the flow up from where you left it off in this series. It always felt a bit like a dream to me and this part keeps it up pretty well.

It keeps doing things I don't expect at every turn. Great job on the plot. Interesting thing to do with the title of Reclaimer, though I would almost expect Sparky to know something about this already. Kinda strange that he wouldn't mention his version of the origins of the name "Reclaimer" over the course of several hundred years.

I hope you'll be building up some momentum. This is some seriously style that doesn't seem to come up in any other series I've read.

Cheers
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MasterSushi
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 8:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wado strikes back!
Well done once again Wado!
Could this Golden Age myth be true!?!?!?

Quote:
Fan Fiction. Again.
32 new Fan Fiction pieces written in the past 5 days - I guess the Thanksgiving holiday meant people had extra time on their hands. This section is an enigma to me... why is it, in the area of HBO where words are MOST important, that such a huge percentage of participants can't be bothered to read the huge 'READ THIS OR ELSE' directions? Why is it, in this most-often-updated section of the website (except for the front page, I guess), that I receive more complaints from submitters impatient to see their work online than anywhere else? (And often rude complaints!) Why do these people, who spend so much time trying to get inside their characters' heads, have so little empathy (or gratitude, for that matter) for the people who work hard to showcase their writing? Mysteries for the ages, I suppose. Sure makes me tired, though... (Louis Wu 03:07:07 UTC) (permalink)


We push the poor (yet brilliant) guy too hard Very Happy [/quote]
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'Nosolee
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 12:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It must be, especially if I'm even thinking about reviving some old dust. Wink
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SYSTEM
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 12:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wado's returned!

I am really glad this day has come. We might be headed for a new golden age. I wonder where Beep and Tony B are?

- Dave.
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 12:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sadly, I am not familiar with this series. But, I am glad to see out Moderator writing on the system that he monitors. I hope this will prove to be a trend.

Wait, it kinda sound vaguely familiar. So, I might have smelt it before.
Anyway. Yeah, John didn't seem in character either. Perhaps it is a part of our style, but, I just couldn't picture Spartan-117 saying that stuff in the mood that I picked up. In fact, it kinda seemed like everyone had a slightly comical and nonserious edge. Hmm.
Also, perhaps this is how you intended it, but I didn't notice that many details about the setting. Just characters. You did say this was meant to be a sort of prologue, so I suppose I expected a little more setting description and explenation.
Heh. That brought a smile to my face. That interface and data thing there reminded me of talking to that AI on the Wookie homeworld; among other intelligences.

Overall, I was not dissapointed. Well written and well thought over from the way things sound. You've created a good backstory. I was wanting more info about it, but, I suppose that's partially my problem for not having read the others before this. I hope to see more of these soon. Good work, my friend.
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