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Survival Instincts, Chapter 2

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2004 3:01 am    Post subject: Survival Instincts, Chapter 2 Reply with quote

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Survival Instincts, Chapter 2
Posted by GLADIATRRR3000 (gladiatrrr3000@hotmail.com)
29 November 2004, 4:19 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=gladiatrrr30.1129040419173.html
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MC's Cousin
Mr. 1337


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 2142
Location: Here.

PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 2:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Don't forget to spell out those little numbers.

Hey! I remeber this story! 'Bout some kid and stuff. Man, it has been a while.

Anyway. You need to work on details. Things went by too fast and left some stuff undescribed and unexplained. Fix that.

Otherwise, just work on improving your general structure and grammar and what not.

Overall, it was pretty good, but, I still have your next one to read.
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SYSTEM
The Hammer


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3744
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 2:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This one's on the fridge door of fame, man. Cheers to you!
(Thile saying the last fragment, pour yourself and a friend a big glass of cola each for best results.)


- Dave.
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SYSTEM
The Hammer


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3744
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 2:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aieee! typo!

It's "WHILE" not "Thile"

I guess my fingers are a little more tired than I thought.

- Dave.
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