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Assassination Attempt

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 3:21 pm    Post subject: Assassination Attempt Reply with quote

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Assassination Attempt
Posted by fezgod (ahmjolnir@yahoo.com)
25 August 2008, 10:59 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=fezgod0825082259301.html
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kr1
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Joined: 27 Feb 2007
Posts: 436
Location: UNSC Frigate September

PostPosted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 3:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not bad, fezgod, but your stories really need more meat! This is probably a page or two in Word, tops, and you've got so muc more of your story you could tell, like why the Admiral was shamed, or maybe some hints as to why this other party wants him dead. Maybe some more interaction with his friends or allies? Keep it up, thouh, and congrats on your honorable mention. Wink

Edit: Please do some paragraph formatting in the future, too. Either a break between paragraphs or an indent at the start would be greatly appreciated, it makes reading so much easier.
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