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In Death's Grey Land -- Section V

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2008 2:33 pm    Post subject: In Death's Grey Land -- Section V Reply with quote

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In Death's Grey Land -- Section V
Posted by J. D. Ford (fordyman@comcast.net)
1 August 2008, 2:27 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=J._D._Ford0801080227481.html
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Phædrus
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 03, 2008 4:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fantastic. If I were doing the Fic Pick again this week, you'd be the winner again. Your imagery was vivid, the plot well-paced, and your characters nigh flawless. I only have one technical complaint:

Quote:
The man called Leonidas, who's true name was Richard, still smiled.


Who's should have been whose.

The fact that the only flaw I can find is one as small as that is a sign of how good this was. A fitting end to an excellent series. Good job! Very Happy
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J. D. Ford
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 03, 2008 7:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the comment, Phaed. Dåmn, that's an annoying mistake. Something so trivial in such an important line. Dåmn, dåmn, dåmn. Both myself and my proofreader failed to catch it (and that's saying something, because my proofreader is really good).

Oh well...can't go back and edit now.


~J. D. Ford
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kr1
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 3:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

An excellent conclusion, J.D. Great work. I loved Karnamee's line after they left the Wellspring. But I'm a sucker for any good human/Elite alliance stuff.

And, curiously, is Kyle R. Bivins a reference to myself? Because Kyle R. is what the kr stands for. I'm not sure if you knew that was my name, though. If not, funny coincience.

Now I'm thinking of trying to read the whole thing in one sitting. This is a real winner of a series you've got hear, and I'm a bit sad it's over.
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J. D. Ford
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 5:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Actually, Kyle R. was a total coincidence, and the last name was 'borrowed' from someone I know at college. Funny how things like that work out, neh? I'm sad that it's over, myself. Got really attached to some of the characters. I'll probably go back and put all the sections together as one file and clean up some GPS and formatting stuff.

I'd really like to create a website with some kind of Flash plugin (like the one NaNoWriMo uses) so people could read IDGL in greater comfort. HBO's page design isn't horrible, but an e-book format plugin would rock. Especially if I could spruce the page up with computer terminal effects and some UNSC logo crap.


~J. D. Ford
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Xvash2
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 8:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A good read. I like the characters, but what really stands out to me is the dialog. It has a very real feel to it, well done.
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J. D. Ford
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 8:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just a quick question: does anyone have something rolling around in the back of their skull that they wished they would've seen in this final section of IDGL (or in the story as a whole)? Something you expected, or hoped for, but didn't get out of the story?

I ask because I am considering a comprehensive edit job. A sort of director's cut, if you will. Not major changes...but perhaps some minor ones, including GPS/formatting corrections. This is mostly to satisfy my perfectionist tendencies, but I'd also like to address any concerns you, the reader, might've had but never voiced previously.

I may not end up heeding your advice or complaints, but there's always a good chance that the feedback will ring true in my ears. Hey...if Orson Scott Card can do it with Ender's Game, I can do it with IDGL.

And no, I don't compare myself with Orson Scott Card in any way, shape, or form. The man's a literary genius, IMHO. I just like using the "if he can do it, I can do it" argument...childish as it may be.

Razz


~J. D. Ford
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Mark25
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 8:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Deserved of more indepth reviews. Seriously.
This space may someday in the future be filled with a glittering review, but at the minute -having only covered two of the five fractions- it's nothing shy of a post-it-note.
I'm sorry, mate.
If it were shallow and empty I'd have your review up the same day (I'm good like that Wink ) but it's not, it deserves a scrutinised inspection and right now that's not possible. I don't want to be the rule-smashing arsehole that bumps a story he enjoys. And maybe dislikes, given the three parts he's missed; much like Wellesley's: A Forlorn Hope- this is fiction I have sought to engage and chew over that has passed me by while I shoot down easier targets with less questioning.
These are my faults, not yours or Arthur's.
At the moment, if you reply to this thread, I cannot edit this post without bumping the story (good thing for you if you crave attention, rule breach for me being already on a yellow card!). So if you do want a review (I promised you, didn't I?) don't respond.

P.S.: I read you were looking to revise this story, so keep me in the loop.

Director's cut? Celluloid only I'm afraid, just be thankful your name ain't Alan Smithee, in which case you'd be screwed. Everyone that disowns or disagress with a final cut of project gives it to Alan.

Quote:
And no, I don't compare myself with Orson Scott Card in any way, shape, or form. The man's a literary genius, IMHO. I just like using the "if he can do it, I can do it" argument...childish as it may be.


Plagiarism is the art of the skilled, genius remains the rubicon of idiots that believe in the ivory tower... until the tower is felled, that is. Question
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