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Urban Warfare: Ch. 6: Why...

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4355

PostPosted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 12:32 pm    Post subject: Urban Warfare: Ch. 6: Why... Reply with quote

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Urban Warfare: Ch. 6: Why...
Posted by hunter_that_dances (poop@poop.org)
27 July 2004, 9:42 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=hunter_that_.0727042142246.html
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HoZ
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 440
Location: Tyrone, PA (HA I'M POOR)

PostPosted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 7:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

very good HTD very good
not to be nitpicky but there were som two letter word misspelled(dont worry i do it all the time) u can make fun of me all u want when my story comes out lol
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Chuckles
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI

PostPosted: Sat Jul 31, 2004 7:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Your writing continues to get better. Good eye for detail, and you aren't afraid to work with several characters at once.

Too much of your action is described as if you were reporting it after the fact. Your ideas for action are good, so give them a bit more zip by doing more of a play-by-play asitishappening style. It will improve your story's pace and force you to use more vivid descriptives. Give it a shot.

Good job, HTD. Keep writing.

C.T. Clown
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