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Longsword R: Interlude

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 25, 2008 11:53 am    Post subject: Longsword R: Interlude Reply with quote

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Longsword R: Interlude
Posted by Sterfrye36 (Sterfrye36@yahoo.com)
20 July 2008, 4:49 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Sterfrye360720080449431.html
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J. D. Ford
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 25, 2008 7:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I really, really enjoyed this. The characters were well thought out, believable, and extremely likeable. I even liked to dislike 'Sulamee. The pacing was efficient, and even though the first few paragraphs were a bit awkward, you found a groove and ran with it until the end.

Speaking of which, I really liked that bit with Easley. Laughed until my sides hurt. Mainly because I think a lot of people have such an experience at some point in their lives...myself included. It hit home, and quite humorously.

Well done.


~J. D. Ford
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Jake Trommer
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 25, 2008 8:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very good story Sterfrye; you get major, major props for using Major Easley's character.
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Andres
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 6:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Beautiful, Ster. I really liked your descriptions, especially those small details in the dialogues. This was very well enjoyable. I just have one suggestion:

Quote:
"No, actually," Sterling said. "We're Longsword pilots."


Longsword drivers seems more in the fields of pilot jargon, especially with the Navy jocks.
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Sterfrye36
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 4:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

J.D. Ford wrote:
I really, really enjoyed this. The characters were well thought out, believable, and extremely likeable. I even liked to dislike 'Sulamee. The pacing was efficient, and even though the first few paragraphs were a bit awkward, you found a groove and ran with it until the end.

Speaking of which, I really liked that bit with Easley. Laughed until my sides hurt. Mainly because I think a lot of people have such an experience at some point in their lives...myself included. It hit home, and quite humorously.Very good story Sterfrye; you get major, major props for using Major Easley's character.

Well done.


Thanks, J.D. I appreciate it. I'm especially glad that part with Easley hit home. I try to get my readers to empathize with him because of his personal issues and I'm thrilled to see that it works.

Jake Trommer wrote:
Very good story Sterfrye; you get major, major props for using Major Easley's character.


Thanks, Jake. I don't think Major Easley officially exists in Halo canon because the E3 demo was not canon, but I'd like to think that such a cool character does exist.

Andres wrote:
Beautiful, Ster. I really liked your descriptions, especially those small details in the dialogues. This was very well enjoyable. I just have one suggestion:

Quote:
"No, actually," Sterling said. "We're Longsword pilots."


Longsword drivers seems more in the fields of pilot jargon, especially with the Navy jocks.


Thanks, and you're right. In casual conversation between those guys, "drivers" would probably have been a better term to use. I'll remember that next time.
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thedarkfire
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 1:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fee Fi Fo Fum! Who dares awaken me from my long slumber? Only Ster can, of course.

I dare say, I find myself more and more intrigued by the Elite character than any of the humans right now. I especially loved your description of planet Tho'h. I almost felt cold myself reading it. Also, the conversation between the former fleet master and the heretic ground base was spot on perfect.

I also find myself interested as to the next direction of the humans, but I feel as if the Elite POV really stole the show this chapter.

This old man needs rest...

Razz [/code]
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Sterfrye36
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 3:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

thedarkfire wrote:
Fee Fi Fo Fum! Who dares awaken me from my long slumber? Only Ster can, of course.

I dare say, I find myself more and more intrigued by the Elite character than any of the humans right now. I especially loved your description of planet Tho'h. I almost felt cold myself reading it. Also, the conversation between the former fleet master and the heretic ground base was spot on perfect.

I also find myself interested as to the next direction of the humans, but I feel as if the Elite POV really stole the show this chapter.

This old man needs rest...

Razz [/code]


Tho'h = Hoth spelled backwards. Razz

And thanks. I'm surprised you liked the Elite POV that much, few people usually comment on him.
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2008 1:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes Ster, I noticed that. Laughing
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kr1
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 6:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good work here, Ster. I think this might actually be the first submission of yours I've read, and it wasn't disappointing. I thought you did a particularly good job catching new readers up to speed without too much exposition in the first POV section, enough that I'm glad I started with this chapter rather than Sabre. I was having a bit of trouble figuring out exactly when this was supposed to take place. After Regret landed at Mombasa, but before Halo 3?

You do a good job setting up the next chapter, too. I'm very interested in McCall and Becker's new assignment, and your take on the Separatists is intriguing. I always thought of the heretics and the Separatists as two separate but similar groups, not one and the same.

I enjoyed a lot of the references to other franchises, too. Invincible Fleet comes to mind, as well as Tho'h. And I don't know if I'm reaching or not, but the backstory for VF-32 sounded a lot like a combination of Wraith Squadron and the 181st. I know you've read some of those books... Razz

My only real complain is your use of the internet. From the little we've seen, interplanetary communications in the UNSC don't appear to be instantaneous, so I don't know how something like the internet would work unless there are 'nets for every system or sector. Minor complaint, though.
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Sterfrye36
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 6:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

kr-1426 wrote:
Good work here, Ster. I think this might actually be the first submission of yours I've read, and it wasn't disappointing. I thought you did a particularly good job catching new readers up to speed without too much exposition in the first POV section, enough that I'm glad I started with this chapter rather than Sabre. I was having a bit of trouble figuring out exactly when this was supposed to take place. After Regret landed at Mombasa, but before Halo 3?


Thanks, and yes, the story takes place only a few days after New Mombasa and the Slipspace jump he made. That's where I decided to end my more or less strict adherence to the plot of Halo 2/3 because it was constraining my options.

Quote:
You do a good job setting up the next chapter, too. I'm very interested in McCall and Becker's new assignment, and your take on the Separatists is intriguing. I always thought of the heretics and the Separatists as two separate but similar groups, not one and the same.


I intended this to be an entirely new group, unrelated to the separation that happens in Halo 2. Tho'h isn't anywhere near Threshold, at least not in my head. I actually had some trouble naming this group because I was originally going to call them "Insurrectionists", but the Contact: Harvest was released. Also, Grit's really similar to Mack, something I dislike. Dang you, Staten! Then I thought about naming them just "Rebellion" or something, until I heard a little Darth Vader voice in my head asking "Where is the Rebel base?" So I decided against that, too. Finally, I gave up and went with Separatists.

Quote:
I enjoyed a lot of the references to other franchises, too. Invincible Fleet comes to mind, as well as Tho'h. And I don't know if I'm reaching or not, but the backstory for VF-32 sounded a lot like a combination of Wraith Squadron and the 181st. I know you've read some of those books... Razz


I'm glad you caught the references, but I'm thinking we might not be connecting on what I'm referencing. Invincible Fleet was a reference to Ace Combat 4 where you sink the "Invincible Aegir Fleet" during one of the levels. And actually, VF-32 is an actual squadron (now known as VFA-32) in the US Navy. And yeah, I've read several of those books, my favorites being the Wraith trilogy and Starfighters of Adumar, all for the character interactions. Varner and Beard are based heavily on Face and Phanan.

Quote:
My only real complain is your use of the internet. From the little we've seen, interplanetary communications in the UNSC don't appear to be instantaneous, so I don't know how something like the internet would work unless there are 'nets for every system or sector. Minor complaint, though.


They were in orbit around Earth at the time. Razz I just copied a Wikipedia article and edited it down.

Thanks for reading! (Now go read Sabre!) Razz
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kr1
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 8:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I got that Invincible Fleet was from AC4, sorry I wasn't clear there. I can sympathize with the novels beating you to stuff. Me and Trooper were putting together something with Gray Team and Coral, then TCP is announced. Evil or Very Mad And since I finished this so early I might be able to get to Sabre tonight, too. Wink
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