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Parcel o' Rogues - Part 2 - Cronus

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2004 2:58 am    Post subject: Parcel o' Rogues - Part 2 - Cronus Reply with quote

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Parcel o' Rogues - Part 2 - Cronus
Posted by Jillybean (jbean_gotmuse@yahoo.co.uk)
27 November 2004, 5:38 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=jillybean.1127041738472.html
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thorn
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Joined: 30 Nov 2004
Posts: 23

PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2004 5:51 am    Post subject: Awsome Reply with quote

First of all I would like to say, that Jillybean is the best fan fiction author out there. I loved here series [HR]. Anyways thi series looks like its gonna be just as good.
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SYSTEM
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3743
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2004 10:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

JillyBean, you're on my "Fridge Door of Fame" Award list! Congrats!

This is really good.

- Dave.
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 2142
Location: Here.

PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2004 11:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think, like the last one, that your transitions or text gaps or whatever you may call them are a little odd. For me, it seemed to disrupt the flow of the story for me. You could use horizontal rules instead of ####, but I'm sure you know that already.
Also, things seemed to move a tad too fast for my liking. The writing is good, so I want to get into it, but it was moving just a hair too fast (like tring to out run a tank on foot).
Also, I saw a couple careless mistakes in there... what's up with that? A couple more proofreading could have fixed that. Just a couple grammar issues.

Normally, at this point, I would say good job but leave the sequal writing to Bungie. But in this case, I think that you are qualified to do it. Let me explain for any watching newbies. You see, Jillybean thought about this, probably planned it, and then wrote it in a good way. Thus, he did a good job with it, and did not shame it like many others would have done. Take this to mind, all of you upcoming writers.

Overall, this is an exceptional piece of work. Not perfect, but one of those stories that comes close around these parts. Keep up the good work, but, don't stop improving yourself; one can never do that.
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Pajari
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Joined: 28 Sep 2004
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 12:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Once again, this is a diamond in the rough. Great job with this one. I can't put my finger on what makes it so good, but write a few more and I'll find it yet.
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Phædrus
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Joined: 13 Sep 2004
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 10:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow. This is - without doubt - the best fan fic ever. Need I say more?
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HoZ
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
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Location: Tyrone, PA (HA I'M POOR)

PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 9:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

that was awasome(i know i repetitive, but i dont care) the last paragraph was a little unrealistic but, all in all, it OWN3D
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Berconius
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Joined: 15 Aug 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 12:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey, MCC, isn't Jillybean female? Ah well.

Very pretty. I have to agree with the moving too fast part. The one liners were a few scenes too close together. It's fine by me, though. This opening rush definitely helps to keep my interest. Less small talk, more easily handled.

Cronus is a nice touch. His interactions with Cortana are even better. Very nice with the AI interaction terminology.

Best Author? I dunno...But Wado better pick up the pace now that this series has started. Very Happy

Cheers all around
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SYSTEM
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 12:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why don't we hear something from Jillybean?

Still the story is terrific.

- Dave.
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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Joined: 19 Oct 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 3:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Woah! Hold the damn train here!

Now, there are some mistakes, but those can be fixed. And I have been a fan of Jillybean's work for some time. Best fanfic ever? I'm not gonna say anything on that, but one of the greats, why certainally. I'd be very careful on word choice.

But, I will say that she is one of the greatest writers, almost up to par with Nick and CoLd and EveofDestruction. I'd definially read the next ones.
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 11:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oops. Yeah, just excuse my sexist male remark there.

*makes mental note*

Hmm. I'll try not to do that again.
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The Arbitress
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Joined: 11 Dec 2004
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Location: Discussing high energy astrophysics with The Arbiter

PostPosted: Wed Dec 15, 2004 12:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i yet again say...oh...my...god.
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