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hboff Site Admin
Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351
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MC's Cousin Mr. 1337

Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.
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Posted: Tue Nov 30, 2004 7:45 pm Post subject: |
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Man, this is a lot of F'in' posts!
Yup, I've read that part of the Bible before.
Ad for the poem, well, I thought that it could have flowed better. You used a little symbolism in there, but if youwould have taken a bit more time, you could have made it sound better.
Overall, it was pretty good. Not just another short little poem that you usually see 'round here. Keep it up. _________________ -MCC |
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Solidus Snake Member
Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 281 Location: A dying Metal Community
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Posted: Tue Nov 30, 2004 10:40 pm Post subject: |
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I'm good at writing Death poems.
Anyways...
Yeah I had a hard time in going along with the poem. Yes, it could have flowed better.
It was between good and bad so it was OK. Good luck in the future though. |
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SYSTEM The Hammer

Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 3744 Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie
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Posted: Tue Nov 30, 2004 11:02 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah, I suggest asking Solidus for help on the constituent pieces of the poetry, but as for Symbolism, that's one of my specialties.
- Dave. |
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Chuckles Member

Joined: 29 Jul 2004 Posts: 1000 Location: Grand Rapids MI
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Posted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 8:04 am Post subject: |
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Not a bad attempt, but I think you tried to go a bit deeper than you were able, and the result is a bit campy. For example:
| Quote: | | the blood oh sweet nectar |
That is a bit overwrought. The danger of writing poetry like this is that you are never far from inadvertant humor. This was certainly a brave attempt, but you might want to aim a bit lower on the literature meter next time.
C.T. Clown |
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