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A Series of Poems: Death

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2004 2:58 am    Post subject: A Series of Poems: Death Reply with quote

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A Series of Poems: Death
Posted by (ENS) Rabid_Gallagher (rabid_masterchief@hotmail.com)
27 November 2004, 9:30 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=ens_rabid_ga.1127040930301.html
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 2142
Location: Here.

PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2004 7:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Man, this is a lot of F'in' posts!

Yup, I've read that part of the Bible before.

Ad for the poem, well, I thought that it could have flowed better. You used a little symbolism in there, but if youwould have taken a bit more time, you could have made it sound better.

Overall, it was pretty good. Not just another short little poem that you usually see 'round here. Keep it up.
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Solidus Snake
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 281
Location: A dying Metal Community

PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2004 10:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm good at writing Death poems. Very Happy

Anyways...

Yeah I had a hard time in going along with the poem. Yes, it could have flowed better.

It was between good and bad so it was OK. Good luck in the future though.
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SYSTEM
The Hammer


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2004 11:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, I suggest asking Solidus for help on the constituent pieces of the poetry, but as for Symbolism, that's one of my specialties.

- Dave.
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Chuckles
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 8:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not a bad attempt, but I think you tried to go a bit deeper than you were able, and the result is a bit campy. For example:
Quote:
the blood oh sweet nectar

That is a bit overwrought. The danger of writing poetry like this is that you are never far from inadvertant humor. This was certainly a brave attempt, but you might want to aim a bit lower on the literature meter next time.

C.T. Clown
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