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The Last Ranger Ch. 1: One Reason to join the Rangers

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 1:54 pm    Post subject: The Last Ranger Ch. 1: One Reason to join the Rangers Reply with quote

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The Last Ranger Ch. 1: One Reason to join the Rangers
Posted by QuantumSheep (jasnash@optusnet.com.au)
19 June 2008, 10:37 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=QuantumSheep0619082237431.html
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SeverianofUrth
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Joined: 09 Aug 2004
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Location: Dumb posts & crap stories

PostPosted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 7:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very nice. I enjoyed it.
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Azrael
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Joined: 10 Aug 2004
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 10:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I wasn't a huge fan of this. While I think you took a brave step in telling the story of an Elite who's kind of a slacker (I mean, there's got to be SOME, right?) it's just didn't work for me. I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt with the novel approach but it all sounded WAY too...human.

The dialogue, the conflict, relationships between characters, the thought processes...all too human. Your writing is fine, but it just didn't work for me.

If your goal is to a piece where the Elites all have very human problems and sound human, then continue on. If that's not what you intend, spend some time going through the halo dialogue databank on HBO, the story page, and some well-regarded authors around here. I think you'll find that writing the Elites is a whole other, well, beast.

This is just MY opinion. Others may be perfectly fine with how you're going about this story, but to me it just feels weird. Good luck!
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