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Dark Mantle, Part Two

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 1:54 pm    Post subject: Dark Mantle, Part Two Reply with quote

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Dark Mantle, Part Two
Posted by Cthulhu117 (azathoth117@gmail.com)
19 June 2008, 10:27 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Cthulhu1170619082227491.html
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kr1
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 12:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm really enjoying this series so far. It's very well-written (only one GPS error I noticed), and like I said about the last one, completely original. Being based around vague references in the terminals, you have a lot of creative freedom, and you're using it well, to say the least. The bits about the Mandates and the Mantle are especially interesting. Good job.

Oh, and out of curiosity, how much of this is your own? It seems like much of it is, but I haven't gone through and found all the terminals.
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Azathoth
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 2:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Most of it. Later in the series, a little less of it will be my own stuff, but for now it's pretty much all my own stuff.

Incidentally, the bonus points go to anyone who can tell what I am referring to with the "Explication" at the beginning.
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Azrael
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 5:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm always a fan of Forerunner pieces because they leave so much up to the imagination. This can be difficult because a lot of writers rely on the visual foundation of the game to provide imagery...with the Forerunners, this simply doesn't exist. One of the things I think you lacked was the sense of sight. Visually I wasn't entirely there with you. This is probably because I haven't read part one, but I had a lot of problems knowing how YOU see the Forerunners.

I think you handled it a little bit better when the female character shed her armor and you described her robes, etc; and I think you did a great job of showing how the water looked and felt. I just still don't know how these Forerunner APPEAR in your mind.

That said, I think you did a great job with the modes of communication and the enigmatic setup of the Mantle. While I wasn't completely there in terms of sight, I was all the way there in terms of touch. The tactile nature of recieving communcation, the feel of water against Forerunner skin, all of that was just wonderful. Maybe you write in this way as a device to put us more completely into these Forerunner characters, and if that's the case, I hope you continue. Enjoyed this very much, and I'll be sure to check in with part one. Nicely done.
_________________
...now that's some gritty shizzle.
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Azathoth
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 1:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Azrael wrote:
I'm always a fan of Forerunner pieces because they leave so much up to the imagination. [snip...] I just still don't know how these Forerunner APPEAR in your mind.


This is partly intentional. I don't want to be all "LOLOLOL GUISE LOOK AM TEH FOUR RUNNARS," because the less you know the more you're free to speculate. Here's what I'd suggest: keep a tally of every body part, article of clothing, etc. that is specifically mentioned. Try to put them together into a living creature. One of my hopes for this series was to allow for enigma, and by effectively killing (sometimes) the reader's most powerful sense, it's possible to do that.

Azrael wrote:
That said, I think you did a great job with the modes of communication and the enigmatic setup of the Mantle. While I wasn't completely there in terms of sight, I was all the way there in terms of touch. The tactile nature of recieving communcation, the feel of water against Forerunner skin, all of that was just wonderful.


from The-Walkers-Before-Our-Path: Written for the Benefit of the Nakh in Dealings with the [Eternal Empire], Chapter 12: Communication Among The [Masters], (Selections from) Segments 1, 4-5, 6, 9

The society of the [Masters] is in many ways devoid of verbal stimuli [...] indeed, a large goal of the [Empire], especially in its military [wings], has been to utterly eliminate vocal communication. The reasons for this are highly complex and would require a deep study into the biology and genetic heritage of the species [...] however, it is surely enough to say that, whether by ancestry, by tradition, or by [progressiveness], the Masters tend to maintain communication by touch rather than hearing. The highly sensitive [flesh-skins] of the [Masters] are extremely sensitive to sound [...] there is no doubt that the concept of the ethereal [utility-skin] arose from a common root therewith. However, [utility skins], as a rule limit (or even entirely cut off) the possibilities of vocal speech, replacing the capacity with tactile induction of meanings, impressions, [glyphs], and anything else into the mind of the [compatriot]. While the [...] reasons for the [Fleets'] scorn of verbal communication are not generally stated, it has been deduced that there are several, the most pertinent of which is that speech is "[too easy]" - a very important concept to any study of the [Masters'] [combat-philosophy.]


Azrael wrote:
Maybe you write in this way as a device to put us more completely into these Forerunner characters, and if that's the case, I hope you continue. Enjoyed this very much, and I'll be sure to check in with part one. Nicely done.


Thanks much. But the real question I'm anxious to hear an answer to...was it some gritty shizzle?

Twisted Evil
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