HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index HBO Fan Fiction
Forum for HBO Fan Fiction Related Stuff
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

The Last Ranger: Prologue

Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Site Admin

Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4377

PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 5:17 pm    Post subject: The Last Ranger: Prologue Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

The Last Ranger: Prologue
Posted by QuantumSheep (
9 June 2008, 11:46 pm
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
MC's Cousin
Mr. 1337

Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 2142
Location: Here.

PostPosted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 5:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Alrighty then.

First thing I noticed was the staccato rhythm of your writing. Short bursts of text broken by punctuation. Not too bad. However, it wasn't flawless. While writing in such a fashion is not at all a bad thing - it can actually be a very useful stylistic device - if you're not careful you may run into a couple problems. The first of those is being repetitive, which, unfortunately, you did encounter.

Make sure to use variety in your vocabulary when writing in a staccato fashion. Because of the nature of that style of writing, you end up using a lot of shorter, more simple vocabulary. Thus, you end up repeating a lot of your words. Due to that, you have to retain a heightened focus on your vocabulary. So take that into consideration.

Now, the second issue that you may run into when writing this way is flow. If you choose to write staccato you have to be careful to retain that same style. There were several occasions that you let your sentences draw out. Normally that wouldn't be a problem at all, but when surrounded by the shorter sentences that were predominant, they found themselves slightly out of place. That's easy to fix with some punctuation. What you want to accomplish is to maintain consistency.

A good trick is to read it out loud to yourself. If you haven't tried it, do. That can easily exaggerate issues that you would have otherwise been unaware of.

On a more general basis, also keep a keen eye out for small mistakes. This wasn't poorly composed at all, but there were small mistakes from time to time that served to distract from the flow and the plot. Things like repetitive vocabulary and misplaced punctuation. Those types of small things add up, and you want to eliminate as many of them as possible - Thus, make sure to proofread thoroughly before posting.

Otherwise, however, discounting what I have already pointed out, this was a pretty decent story. Fun to read through, and it has potential. Just keep what I mentioned in mind - as well as any future advice - when you're doing your subsequent compositions. Good luck - and keep at it.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group