HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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The Last Ranger: Prologue
Posted by QuantumSheep (jasnash@optusnet.com.au)
9 June 2008, 11:46 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=QuantumSheep0609082346201.html

MC's Cousin · Mr. 1337 Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.

Alrighty then.

First thing I noticed was the staccato rhythm of your writing. Short bursts of text broken by punctuation. Not too bad. However, it wasn't flawless. While writing in such a fashion is not at all a bad thing - it can actually be a very useful stylistic device - if you're not careful you may run into a couple problems. The first of those is being repetitive, which, unfortunately, you did encounter.

Make sure to use variety in your vocabulary when writing in a staccato fashion. Because of the nature of that style of writing, you end up using a lot of shorter, more simple vocabulary. Thus, you end up repeating a lot of your words. Due to that, you have to retain a heightened focus on your vocabulary. So take that into consideration.

Now, the second issue that you may run into when writing this way is flow. If you choose to write staccato you have to be careful to retain that same style. There were several occasions that you let your sentences draw out. Normally that wouldn't be a problem at all, but when surrounded by the shorter sentences that were predominant, they found themselves slightly out of place. That's easy to fix with some punctuation. What you want to accomplish is to maintain consistency.

A good trick is to read it out loud to yourself. If you haven't tried it, do. That can easily exaggerate issues that you would have otherwise been unaware of.

On a more general basis, also keep a keen eye out for small mistakes. This wasn't poorly composed at all, but there were small mistakes from time to time that served to distract from the flow and the plot. Things like repetitive vocabulary and misplaced punctuation. Those types of small things add up, and you want to eliminate as many of them as possible - Thus, make sure to proofread thoroughly before posting.

Otherwise, however, discounting what I have already pointed out, this was a pretty decent story. Fun to read through, and it has potential. Just keep what I mentioned in mind - as well as any future advice - when you're doing your subsequent compositions. Good luck - and keep at it.