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What If Tales: The United Nations [Part One]

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4355

PostPosted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 3:55 pm    Post subject: What If Tales: The United Nations [Part One] Reply with quote

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What If Tales: The United Nations [Part One]
Posted by Jin1 (jermevans1990@gmail.com)
3 June 2008, 3:09 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Jin10603080309181.html
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Azathoth
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Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Posts: 578
Location: South Africa. Fooken creatshas.

PostPosted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 4:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You can haz Fanfic Pick of the Week. Congrats.
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Phædrus
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Joined: 13 Sep 2004
Posts: 957
Location: Southern California

PostPosted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 5:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This wasn't bad, but man, you need to work on your GPS. Your verb tenses were all screwed up and a couple of times you referred to something in the singular when it should have been plural. You gotta watch that, man.
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UNSC Trooper
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Joined: 11 Jul 2007
Posts: 85
Location: Overlooking a rebel hideout from an orbiting UEG patrol frigate.

PostPosted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 5:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What Phaedrus said. This is a damn fine story. I felt like one of the soldiers in Band of Brothers. And judging by the title, will this series deal with the creation of the actual United Nations in the future? Just curious. Wink

EDIT: I just realized, today is the 6th of June. D-Day!! This story couldn't have come at a better time, yay!
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kr1
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Joined: 27 Feb 2007
Posts: 436
Location: UNSC Frigate September

PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 1:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This was pretty good. Only complaint is GPS stuff, mostly verb tenses being messed up.

Curiously, how does this work with your other WWII What Ifs?
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Jin1
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Joined: 07 Oct 2004
Posts: 24
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 2:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well unlike the others which are short stories, I'm planning to make this one into a full fic, from the beginning of the invasion to end. Have some major political figures and to tell the story fully. It doesn't tie in with "After the Sky Fell" plot though.
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